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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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What do I do with a 32 year old alcholic son that keeps begging

Resolved Question:

What do I do with a 32 year old alcholic son that keeps begging to come home. Says he will do better. I worry constantlyThat he will be found dead.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I am so sorry what your going through. I can imagine from one parent to another how heart breaking this must be for you. It is difficult to see your son on the street, but then I can see why you are frustrated because when you try to help and he does not take it in a way to help himself, but rather just takes advantage.

I think the best thing you can do is to let him know how you feel, such as how much you love him, why you are worried, and how he needs to get help. I would let him stay with you only if he promises to get help and do what he needs in the right direction. Let him know you are more than willing to help him get on his feet as well as help support him to be the Dad his children need. However, he needs to play a role in this as well.

If he is unwilling to get into rehab and use your help to a positive advantage then unfortunately there is nothing else you can do. By letting him stay and do these negative behaviors will only facilitate his ways. As parents we want to help our children, but just like with anyone they need to be willing themselves. Ultimately people need to take the initiate. You have done your part as a parent and he has not held up his end. The only way I would take him in for the last time is if he promises you to do what is necessary. If not and if he does not pursue what he needs to do then there is nothing left you can do. The rest would be in his hands and you should not feel guilty or allow him to manipulate you. This will not take your pain away, but you should have the confidence that you have done your part.

I wish you the best and you all will be in my prayers. Please do not hesitate if I can be of further help.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I am 67 and my husband is 71 and still working 50 hrs a week. We have 4 boys and 3 have alcohol and drug problems. The one that doesn't is an engineer with a degree and takes care of his family. My husband and myself haven't had any issues with alcohol, or drugs I don't understand!!!
We can't afford to take care of all the kids by our boys and I feel guilty, I don't understand. I'm retired and my husband should be.


 

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I am so sorry. I understand where you are coming from. When I said help support him to take care of his children I didn't mean financially. I am sorry for the confusion. I just meant to be there for him emotionally and to pretty much be there for him when he needs someone to talk to and lift him up as well as give parenting advice if he wants. He needs to support his own children and I can understand why you feel guilty, but you shouldn't. They are all actually robbing your rights as grandparents. You both should be enjoying your grandchildren spoiling them as you are able and not have the burden of supporting them. It is very sad and it is not your fault. Sometimes we do the best we can, but our children turn out opposite. There are many factors within the world and not just our parenting skills or genes.

You should be retired and I feel your pain. I really wish I had a magic answer that can solve this situation, but I don't and no one will. All you can really do is your part not financially, but emotionally be there for them and don't give up on them. Encourage them to see the light on the other side to life without drugs and alcohol. You deserve to be able to enjoy your grandchildren and husband without allowing their behavior to keep you down.

You have raised them and now it is up to them. Again, this does not take the heat break away from you. You need your own support system as well in order to take care of yourself emotionally in order to even be there for them. This can take a toll on your own outlook, so I want you to know you can feel free to follow up with me right here on this thread if you ever would like to talk.
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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