His father and I are divorced, have been for about a year. We have shared custody. He is involved in his way (things he likes to do) but is not very involved in these matters. He believes this is a phase and will work itself out. He does not talk much about it (we do not have a very comfortable relationship, but we do communicate about the kids.) He believes, more than anything, he needs an activity. I agree he needs that, but it is impossible for him to do what he does not want to do. His dad would like him to do an organized sport, but he just is not a sporty kid. He has agreed to do volunteer work with me. We will begin wildlife rescue later this month when the rabbits and squirrels are born. His dad will say to me,'make him do crew,' and then not have a conversation with him about it. There is not as much supervision at his Dad's house. HE works long hours, I am at home
My son hangs out with other kids who prioritize smoking. They tend to go to their houses (he has never had his friends at my house, eventhough it is a nice place, and I have always been well liked by my ther kids's friends) One house permits them to smoke. He refuses to change his friends, which I believe is the hardest and biggest piece of this. HE smoked for the first time in 8th grade. I believe it gre into a problem last summer. I have been down this road...which I will get to..
I have four children. The three oldest are adopted..
Oldest Son - 20 Lives out of house, out of state. Full time student. All is well. Typical young adult. Has done his share of these things, but not to the point of me ever knowing about it, or becoming a problem for him.
Next son - 19 Has addiciton issues. I sent to rehab for alcohol last year (3 month program) He came home after. he has substantially reduced his smoking and does not drink, but he can't seem to take the next step. HE knows he has to move out of my house this coming week. He has gone for testing and has been considered for medication, but he is still smoking too much. I want him to do a wilderness program (which was strongly suggested to him by the doctor testing him.) I fully support him in what he does, so long as he is moving forward. He has been stagnating for a year. Having a girlfriend in town is not helping. I feel that he has to come up with the plan, instead of me, and move forward with it.
Gus - The son we are talking about (I assume this is not published)
Youngest son - 11 Biological. He and Gus are always at odds.
I do not get much help from my ex with these issues. He was never involved in any of the mediations for my older son with issues. He did not visit him or write to him in rehab. He did not contribute financially. He does not believe in therapy.
My husband smoked and drank in HS and went on to be a successful person. I don't see the same abilities or drive in my two sons who are struggling. Its hard for me to just hope it will turn around, when I dont really feel thats the case.
I feel that it is my place to try to send them on the right course, even if they don't like it/me. With no help/support I feel like I am a salmon swimming upstream. I would like to have a normal life too