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cathy
cathy, mental health counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS. MSEd
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Im a divorced father of 2 girls, ages 10 and 7. I went to

Resolved Question:

I’m a divorced father of 2 girls, ages 10 and 7. I went to pick them up at their mother’s and her new husband’s house. While there I used the restroom and found two Playboy magazines on top of the toilet tank. I brought up my concerns with my ex-wife regarding there being pornography where our daughters would have access to it. She became angry and defensive saying, “Playboy isn’t pornography!” In addition, she isn’t going to raise our “daughters in a bubble.” She told our daughters that this is what men like to look at and she didn’t see anything wrong with it. I have serious concerns regarding this because I don’t see this as age appropriate at all. I would appreciate your thoughts on this matter and any research that you’re aware of that shows the detrimental impact of having children exposed to pornography. I also told her just to keep it in a secure location where our daughters wouldn’t have access to it.

Thank you for your time,
James
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  cathy replied 1 year ago.
Hi and thanks for writing JA, I agree with you that Playboy should not be displayed in a family bathroom. I think that two young girls aged 10 and aged 7 should not be exposed to adult magazines.
Is there any chance that you and your ex wife can communicate about what boundaries should be set or has that time passed?
Do you still have input into this matter or has that time passed?
Let me know and let us see what can be done from here?
All my best,
Cathy
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

My ex-wife did send me a text this morning stating, "As per your request, I did as you asked." She also stated yesterday, when I brought up this issue that I'm no longer allowed in her house. She stated that this was her business. I said anything involving the safety and well-being of my daughters is my business.


 


I think any conversation on boundaries would have to be through e-mail. When ever I have brought up a sensitive topic she becomes angry, defensive and begins yelling. Any thoughts on how to begin that conversation through email?


Thanks

Expert:  cathy replied 1 year ago.
Hi and I am sorry to read your reply I have to wonder when parents do not put their childrens best interests at the forefront and it sounds as if your ex wife has enough resentment and anger not to do so, but I do applaud your actions and statements. You know when we break this down to the essentials all that really matters are those two children. In the end, all that really matters are those girls and so if you need to cut and paste my response to you do email it to her.

The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that the GIRLS are what matter here and not her thoughts or your thoughts and the fact remains that you saw something amiss and let her know. I am sure she is feeling as if she is the bad guy in this but actually she is not. She is just the "did not notice" guy on this.

Send her my response and together sit down and work out some reasonable boundaries without blame on this? You can both do that if you try and after all two very lovely and impressionable young ladies demand that you do. Agree to meet for coffee or lunch and put your two girls front and center and if she will not do this, sadly you will have to wait out her incredible selfishness as she puts her needs ahead of her children. Ahem (I totally hate having written that last part but the facts are,...if she will not agree to meet with you she is putting herself and her needs ahead of those of your children)>
Do this AND then drop me a note down the road as I am very interested in how this turns out for you?
You have all my very best,
Good Luck to you
Cathy
cathy, mental health counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: MS. MSEd
cathy and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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