Hi My toddler is turing 3 in May and I cannot seem to have control over him. He would scream for no reason and has temper tantrums and can cry for half an hour throwing himself on the floor. Both my husband and I work highly pressurised jobs and we really never get the peace and quiet in the house. He is at the moment still learning how to talk so it is rather frustrating for both me and the child as we cannot seem to understand each other. We have a nanny and my toddler is best behaved without me in the house, the nanny says there is just an automatic change in behavior when I come back from work he becomes this uncontrollable child. Please help as I am fatigued and frustrated I really feel embarrassed of this and I feel guilty as I feel as though I am failing as a parent. We live in a quiet housing estate and all our neighbours have kids in the same age group but my house has the loudest screams coming out of it. Evene when we go to public places my son would just scream with no reason. He hits all of us and throws and bangs things around, almost smashed the tv this weekend. I really find myself crying as I have no control over him and ask myself what other partents are doing right that I am failing on that results in my child behaving in this manner. My husband even suggested we send my son away to his grandparents who live 600km away as I am not coping. I really cant picture my son living so far away from me and at the same time I do not have the tool to keep the peace in the house. Please help, frustrated parent
Hello, I would like to help with your parenting question.
As a mother of twins, soon to be 2 years old in 5 days, I can relate to the tantrums and the frustration of not understanding your child because he is still learning language. It is interesting that you mention he behaves when you are not around. When you are around, does he have your attention, or are you generally busy with other things? It definitely sounds that he's acting out for attention; and since the tantrums seem to occur when you are around, I would think that he is seeking more or a different kind of attention from you. I see that you mention your high pressure job, as well as that of your husband. I am sure that this also means that you spend a lot of time away from him. How does he respond with your husband?
When I am around I try my best to give him as much attention as I can like we read a book together or play together although running a household also demands me to do other things like cooking, cleaning laundry etc. My husband and I leave at 6.30am and are back before 5pm. Sometimes my toddler would wake up at night and start crying and it would take him 2hours to sleep again. My husband has been working out of town for an assignment and was home this this weekend and my toddlers behaviour was temper tantrums filled. Can you perhaps give suggestions or a solution, practical things that I need to do to keep the sanity. I even thought maybe it is because he is not going to daycare and does not interact enough with other children and he gets frustrated being the only child in the house.
You really have been of great assistance. I feel like a load has been taken off my shoulders. Thank you for sharing such practical, relevant and achievable steps with me. I am reading your response at work and I am looking foward to going back home later this afternoon and start applying what you have shared with me. I cannot thank you enough. Please do attach the pamphlets I am very keen on them ;-)
I went straight home after work yesterday and started to undividedly engage with my child for a good 15minutes before doing anything else. Its amaizing the response I got from him to know that it is just us engaging and reading a story book. There were no tears or agitation yesterday whatsoever until bed time. He went and got his favourite blankie after story telling and just sat next to me on the couch, kept on looking up to me with a smile. I made sure I communicate my movements with him so that he is aware of what I am busy with. I cannot thank you enough for your valuable advice. I have printed the attachments you have sent and I am looking foward to undividedly engaging with my child on a routine basis. You must have a lovely day and God bless you for doing such a wonderful job!