Hi, I am sorry what you and your son are going through. It sounds to me that you are doing your part. As a Mom it is natural to want to help are children and feel responsible. However, he is a grown man now, so even though you can help him it is not your responsibility. It will make you upset because you love your son and want the best for him, but he needs to want to change and do something. Most of the times I see individuals in this situation is because they are comfortable and may not need to work. They do not see the necessity of it and therefore are not doing anything with their lives, so in turn they become depressed and bored. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our children are make them less comfortable. This means not supporting him or letting know that in order to stay at home he needs to hold a job and be productive. This will teach him responsibility, build his confidence, and help his feelings of hopelessness. Things will not change overnight and he may resent it at first, but in time is when he should change little by little and start to appreciate. I understand this is not easy to do, but it is the way to get him out of his comfort zone, which brings all the negativity that he is currently feeling. I would continue to be there for him emotionally to support him, but if he does not want advice then I would lay low on that and that will force him also to make decisions, which he is asking for anyway. Lastly, seeing a counselor would not be a bad idea if he is willing. I wish you both well and please let me know if I can be of further help.
I understand its difficult to throw him out, but you really don't need to start with that
I would let him know he can stay, but if he wants to stay he needs to be doing something with his life
He needs to get a job, go to school, or both, but not just depend on you without trying to get ahead
If he refuses then throwing him out may be your last option for him to be able to do something, but I wouldn't start with that. I understand that taking
these steps are difficult, but just think of the future and
when you are no longer here. How do you want to leave him?
Sometimes by asking yourself this question you will not feel so bad about making some difficult decisions now because even though it will be hard for the both of you now. For his future you will be helping and causing a tremendous change for his life for when you are no longer here to help him
He is making excuses. This is what I am saying he is doing this because he can. If he did not have you then he would be deciding real quick what he needs to do and going on to do it. He would not be sleeping late and etc. There is no rush for him to choose he is just comfortable with his situation and I see this a lot. All for the same reason. If he does not know what he wants to do nothing will change unless he is actively out there trying different things and looking into things. Doing research. Staying out and sleeping late are not actions that are showing he is trying for change to occur. This behavior will allow the situation to remain stagnant.
I am saying that you do have the power to change things. It may be best to tell him how much you love him, but you want the best for his future and by allowing this to continue you are hurting his future even though you feel you are doing good. This happens all the time with parents and myself as well. We all fall into the pit of feeling bad to do what is right, but not feeling bad to do what is wrong. This is because the good seems like we are hurting or punishing them meanwhile the bad seems as if we are doing good for them. This happens at any age. What we need to do is look at things long term. How would you allowing him to stay cause him to end up in the future and has there been any change. Then ask yourself how could forcing responsibility on him help him in the long run and in his future. Before kicking him out I would let him know the consequences if you do not see him doing something with his life. Let him know how much you care, but what he is doing is not healthy and you can not see this and do nothing. Explain how you are there to help him and he can stay, but he needs to be working on his future and if he is not then he would have to work on his future at this own place. Think about it if he is going to need to work and do what he needs to do anyway on his own and have a tougher time then why wouldn't he do it while staying with you. If he chooses not to it is because he doesn't believe it or he is being stubborn and not appreciating your help, so either way you should feel confident that you are doing the right thing to help him. But like I said I would not kick him out as the first step, but I would warn him that changes need now to occur.