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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1489
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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My partners two children from his first marriage 14 and 7 are

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My partners two children from his first marriage 14 and 7 are now being funny about coming to stay - the 14 year old girl has made no effort with her father - the ex wife seems to hold a lot of hatred to my partner even though she is remarried and claims to be very happy and had promoted the new husband and his teenagers as wonderful etc - the 7 year old is now saying he isnt sure if he wants to come and stay too - possibly copying - my partner has had a discussion with the 14 year old who says she feel like her father doesnt love her - this is nonsense he always makes a fuss of her and says he is proud of her - the mum has bainwashed them - any advice you can give as to what my partner should do next as he has said to the mum he needs her intervention to help repair this - i believe she has caused parent alienation syndromeby expressing her opinion of her ex husband to the children over the years

Thanks
Unfortunately, this situation is very common with divorced couples. If the ex is unreasonable and sabotaging the visitation with the dad, then going through her for anything will get you nowhere. Even trying to talk to her about visitation or getting the kids will be useless. What's going to need to happen is to stick to the court-ordered visitation guidelines. If there is none in place then there needs to be a court hearing for visitation. That way, the dad has some legal authority to get the kids when the ex refuses. She will be in contempt of the court order. The other thing to consider is that a teenage girl most likely wants to spend all her time with her friends. So some of the dad taking the daughter's actions personally needs to stop because the girl just wants to have fun. I don't know if leaving the ball in her court is the best idea because it might back fire and the dad won't get to see her. The best thing to do is to be involved with the kids. Go to their school functions and activities, invite their friends over to hang out, go to parent teacher conferences. The dad still needs to take an active role even though he is not the primary care giver. This will show the kids that dad is invested and there for them. Talking to the kids does not always work, so I say actions speak louder than words. Anything else I can help you with just let me know.Good luck and take care.
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