The children appear to be safe. I She is devoted to her children because, of course, they dont challenge her and I dont think they have ever been abused. I have always been very impressed with how both parents are brilliant with their children.
I have been seeing a counsellor for 2 and a half years, but she has kindly kept me on for a while when this recent event occured.
The priest told me to-day, although he is descreet enough not to give me details. I felt that she should be talking to him in confidence so he does not reveal what they talk about - that she complains about me. He ignored these comments, but it worries me.
I havn't made any plans to see her. It would be wonderful if we could discuss what she feels her problems with me are, but she is deaf and her father and I were encouraged not to sign because "deaf children must learn to use all their risidual hearing" was the mode of the time - and this is one of her complaints. I feel so dispairing of her behaviour that I think it would be beyond a civilized conversation. In the past I have tried email, writing and texting but I get harangued. I've tried so many times, and because it always ended in a row I am now frightened of her.
I will continue to send presents for birthdays etc., because I do love her, I just cant deal with her. This is a reversal of the natural maternal instinct which is why I am in turmoil.
I to-day have bought several presents for the children, which I plan to give a little at a time with a friendly note to her. I will have to see her reaction with the first one to see how I deal with the rest.
You made a valid point about me learning to sign but it is difficult to find BSL classes where I live, but I have to say we never felt the need to sign since she speaks so well. She has a degree in journalism so has a brilliant command of the English language; and she can speak French, admittedly phonetically. She has a foot in all camps, but feels she belongs to none.
One of the things I was worried about was that she had some kind of condition, which is why I think I mentioned BPD at the start. When her husband first left, about 8 weeks ago, I tried to persuade her to go to the Doctor which after a while she did. (and why I rang her surgery to try to persuade them to get her in on the pretext of a routine appointment. Maybe this is what they did, but they were not able to talk to me, of course - patient confidentiality) But the Doctor found she had "high anxiety" , nothing that a little Yoga wouldn't help with! I think she is able to be quite normal if just very assertive, but very angry with those close to her. If she had a medical condition, her husband has said he would support her through it (as I would) but it would give him superiority over her and I think she would find that challenging to her need to be in control. I am not up-to-date with how she is so maybe the doctors have got their eye on her. I hope so. I also suggested to them that an adult social worker accompany the peadeatric one,(for Isobel) just to check on the family.
Thank you so much, Dr.Tom.
I don’t think I told you about her husband, who has always been sweet and thoughtful towards all of us, but because she has accused him of abuse towards her, we all feel it was as a result of provocation and that he was largely defending himself. But no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors, but because we have witnessed her rages for many years, we need now to keep a safe distance.
I do feel comforted having talked to you and will tell my counsellor that.
I will wait and see as you suggest.
Many thanks again, and for your prayers.