How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
13551071
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I was in a relationship with a guy who has an addiction and

Resolved Question:

I was in a relationship with a guyfor 3 and a half yrs who has an addiction and it ruined our relationship because he would take off for days at a time and come back as if nothing really happened...long story...i didnt know how to deal with him so when he would come back i would have his bags packed...he'd be gone for 3 days to a week and I would take him back...other things were going on like pawning my things and taking money when he ran out from buying drugs, it just went on and on...i finally told him to leave and said i didnt love him anymore because i was so fed up with the drug use i couldnt take it anymore..we've been spilt up 6 months and within 2 or 3 months he has someone living with him...he told her he still loves me and that he cant fall in love that easily, but he does have strong feelings for her....she suspects that we have been seeing each other since he came to pick up some mail from me and he have to come to my area every tuesday for angermanagement classes in the last month or so...i realized when he came back that all my feelings came rushing back and with him as well but he's with someone and doesnt want to hurt her....also he's very affraid to go back to me because our families dont want us together and he thinks i will be paranoid everytime he goes out and not trust him...yet he does love me....i dont know whats the best thing to do...i think i wouldnt want to move in right away and posibbly getting councelling...so far for 6 months he hasnt been using...I would like to know if anyone else in my situation has repaired their relationship being this complicated...

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi

jenhelant :

I am sorry about what you are going through.

jenhelant :

I think counseling is a wonderful idea.

jenhelant :

There are couples with this situation that do get repaired, but the chances are very slim

jenhelant :

The problem here may not be that he doesn't love you since he says hr does. The problem is that he needs to show you this love.

jenhelant :

It is wonderful that he has been clean and also taking anger management. This shows that he is changing, but he would still need to continue on this road for longer in order to prove real change.

jenhelant :

Based on his actions there is hope for him to change and therefore the relationship can be repaired. However just like you said I would not move in with him right away and I would let him prove himself for a longer period of time based on the history.

jenhelant :

One obstacle here is this other person he is living with. If he wants to be with you then he needs to leave her. Saying he does not want to hurt her is not an excuse. Even if he wants to be with you and you are not yet ready because he needs to proven himself than that is what he should be doing rather than staying with her. After all he has done if he is serious than he should be working on himself alone showing you change in hopes of something in the future. Him being with someone else does not help the situation

jenhelant :

It is not his words that count. It is his actions. If he wants to be with you and he does not love her he should leave. He says he does not want to hurt her, but he will hurt her ,more by staying with her and not loving her. This will deprive her of the love she can get from someone else.

jenhelant :

You deserve someone who will love you and want to be with only you.

jenhelant :

Also, someone you can trust and who will respect you.

jenhelant :

It really is up to you if you want to deal with this situation out just move on from here, but hopefully I have provided some insight

jenhelant :

When you are back online if I can be of further help please chat back. I will be more than happy to help and I wish you the very best.

Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
Jen Helant and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    19
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
 
 
 

Related Parenting Questions

Chat Now With A Parenting Counselor
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
73 Satisfied Customers
I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.