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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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I was in a relationship with a guy who has an addiction and

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I was in a relationship with a guyfor 3 and a half yrs who has an addiction and it ruined our relationship because he would take off for days at a time and come back as if nothing really happened...long story...i didnt know how to deal with him so when he would come back i would have his bags packed...he'd be gone for 3 days to a week and I would take him back...other things were going on like pawning my things and taking money when he ran out from buying drugs, it just went on and on...i finally told him to leave and said i didnt love him anymore because i was so fed up with the drug use i couldnt take it anymore..we've been spilt up 6 months and within 2 or 3 months he has someone living with him...he told her he still loves me and that he cant fall in love that easily, but he does have strong feelings for her....she suspects that we have been seeing each other since he came to pick up some mail from me and he have to come to my area every tuesday for angermanagement classes in the last month or so...i realized when he came back that all my feelings came rushing back and with him as well but he's with someone and doesnt want to hurt her....also he's very affraid to go back to me because our families dont want us together and he thinks i will be paranoid everytime he goes out and not trust him...yet he does love me....i dont know whats the best thing to do...i think i wouldnt want to move in right away and posibbly getting councelling...so far for 6 months he hasnt been using...I would like to know if anyone else in my situation has repaired their relationship being this complicated...


jenhelant :

Hi

jenhelant :

I am sorry about what you are going through.

jenhelant :

I think counseling is a wonderful idea.

jenhelant :

There are couples with this situation that do get repaired, but the chances are very slim

jenhelant :

The problem here may not be that he doesn't love you since he says hr does. The problem is that he needs to show you this love.

jenhelant :

It is wonderful that he has been clean and also taking anger management. This shows that he is changing, but he would still need to continue on this road for longer in order to prove real change.

jenhelant :

Based on his actions there is hope for him to change and therefore the relationship can be repaired. However just like you said I would not move in with him right away and I would let him prove himself for a longer period of time based on the history.

jenhelant :

One obstacle here is this other person he is living with. If he wants to be with you then he needs to leave her. Saying he does not want to hurt her is not an excuse. Even if he wants to be with you and you are not yet ready because he needs to proven himself than that is what he should be doing rather than staying with her. After all he has done if he is serious than he should be working on himself alone showing you change in hopes of something in the future. Him being with someone else does not help the situation

jenhelant :

It is not his words that count. It is his actions. If he wants to be with you and he does not love her he should leave. He says he does not want to hurt her, but he will hurt her ,more by staying with her and not loving her. This will deprive her of the love she can get from someone else.

jenhelant :

You deserve someone who will love you and want to be with only you.

jenhelant :

Also, someone you can trust and who will respect you.

jenhelant :

It really is up to you if you want to deal with this situation out just move on from here, but hopefully I have provided some insight

jenhelant :

When you are back online if I can be of further help please chat back. I will be more than happy to help and I wish you the very best.

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