I would like to help you with your question.
I am so sorry that your relationship with your daughter has deteriorated to the point that she no longer wants to be in contact with you. I can only imagine how painful this is for you...as surely this is painful...and even baffling.
The best thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself and focus on your own mental health. Your daughter has drawn a very deep line in the sand...so deep that any contact by you is likely to create even more anger and animosity on her part.
While I understand why you would want to send a birthday card to her, I encourage her not to do that. If..in the coming months she opens up communication with you..then you can re-evaluate that. But at this point it is critical that you honor the boundary she has put up if you want any opportunity to mend this very broken relationship.
I know this must hurt. Still...she seems to be in a place in which she places all the blame on you. The financial support you have given her was very generous on your part...but it had no positive impact on the relationship. I encourage you to stop supporting her...not to punish her...but because it seems to have only enabled her poor choices and negative behavior.
I can understand why you chose to bail her out financially. But at 35 years of age...she needs to stand on her own two feet!
I see you are typing...I will wait for your reply.
Yes, it did enable her poor choices and negative behavior....without a doubt. I supported her financially in order to try to set her up for success. It seems it did the opposite.
She never did respond to my email in which at the end I requested permission to send birthday cards. So, I wasn't sure if I Ishould or not. I want her to know that I love her and that I will never, ever abandon her. But, I don't want her to think that it is okay to treat me or anyone else that way. This current boyfriend is the one that got her to go for counseling because of her raging behavior towards him. So, that is a good thing. Yes, it is hard, very hard. But, I know that she has had a rage towards me since she was a child and it has resurfaced because of what she has gone through recently. I am tough, but th is last stunt of kicking me out has finally knocked some sense into my head. I think.