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Dr. Tom
Dr. Tom, Family Therapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 23
Experience:  Dr. Smith taught graduate level Family Therapy and counsels.
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I am melting down. I do not know what to do any more. My

Customer Question

I am melting down. I do not know what to do any more. My daughter attempted suicide on October 21, 2013. She is now medicated, spent a whopping 2 weeks in the hospital, refuses to work with most of the counsellors here as they point blame rather than give tools to help. She has picked up on cutting herself all over her damn stomach! and is constantly talking about suicide on her tumblr account which she keeps changing, she is 18 in less than a month and I feel as though I am slowly falling apart, which I can't I have to run my business and care for a 3 year old and I just can't do it any longer.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Tom replied 1 year ago.
Unfortunately, at age 18 she is legally able to make decisions on her own. However, if she is a danger to herself or others you can, once again, have her picked up and evaluated. Indeed cutting herself indicates a significant emotional disturbance. There is not much you can do but make that call if it is required. You have a 3 year old and yourself to look after. Make that your priority right now as difficult as that may be. Let me know how things turn out.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

You responded too late for me as I had already dealt with it, and not by just walking away. Yes she is almost "legal" as in agae, and yes she is able to whatever she wants and yes I do need to look after myself and my family.


Instead...I picked her up from school with the thoughts I was going to take her to the hos[ital, she came reluctantly, instead, I laid out rules, as I still pay all of her bills and grad is coming up I have this ability. As someone with a mental disorder I know that sometimes you have to push a little harder, so I did.


We are now at this spot: I do a body check on her morning and night, through her hair to in between her toes and under her nails. Any new injury, cut, bruise, bump and I immediately take her to the hospital and she can spend some time in the psych ward. She is not permitted to sleep at anyone's home until she gets help. I am taking her into deep meditation therapy while we find a psychologist, and I am feeding her meds to her daily and do a mouth check that they are gone.


She was schocked at the coldness of my rules (and yes there are more) and my behaviour, it truly scared her that I went void of emotion. She broke and opened up a little, so did I with point blank honesty and then after us my husband came into the room and she had to remain in eye contact with him as he explained where he was at, and then her older sister....She said she wants help. She said she is willing to work under all the rules. So, I check her, I rub oil on her injuries and keep her talking about them, I put her to sleep at night after her little sister, and I am now jailer.


3 days into it and it is a good start.


So, I don't beleive in walking away especially since she has been suffering in silence AND is not a mouthy, aggressive abusive child. She is a scred child and age does NOT make an adult.


Thank you for your input, I guess you didn't have enough information to give a better response, then she is 18 and can make decisions on her own (apparently she can't which is why she has Major Depressive Disorder).

Expert:  Dr. Tom replied 1 year ago.
You have done extraordinarily well! You are doing some real good work. You have not let yourself or your daughter down. High structure is what is required and you came through. Do not be too hard on yourself by calling yourself her "jailer" or that you are for the time being devoid of emotion; you are rather under great control of yourself. A body check is a very loving thing to do; when you are finished give her a little kiss on the forehead if it feels right. Meditation will surely help calm things down and finding a psychologist means you are in it for the long haul ... good for you! The family system may be out of balance and so the psychologist may want to discuss that. Sometimes the person who is having the most hard time is expressing something for all. Remind her that all of this will help her GROW into the mature adult she surely wants to be. Keep me posted. All the best, Dr. Tom

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