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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7661
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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ELLIOTT I am not sure there is even a question here, I

Resolved Question:

ELLIOTT
I am not sure there is even a question here, I am sick with worry for our 21 year old son, who lives at home, does not have a job, makes no effort to get this GED or High School Diploma, doesn't help with much of anything with the family or in the home, and is angry, tense, and critical most of the time towards me, his mom. When I ask him to do anything, he always says, pleasantly enough, ''OK'' but it never gets done. Literally. I have tried to reach him via so many roads, as a friend, confident, equal adult, beloved child, loving parent ( and I am that one for sure ) and also angry parent, (and I have also been that one for real.)
I have tried everything that I ever heard of and what has worked and not worked for me in the past, but nothing seems to reach him, nothing triggers a real response and nothing seems to reach him to motivate him to climb out of the pit his has dug for himself. He has tried several medication for depression but none seem to really help and he does not like the way they make him feel.
For the most part I have chosen not to create a battle ground with him over the years, hoping he would mature and find his way, but this is not happening. He is so enveloped inside his own self that he doesn't see us at all or the reality of what is going on here in his family and the reality of his life. I am afraid for him.
Tonight I got home from being on duty , working, for two days and over night, I had called ahead to ask that he make sure the little dogs had clean water, food, and that the floors were clean in my room if they had been there, etc etc -- I have been gone working for 2 days, think that, and when I got home, what I had asked was not done. The kitchen was not clean, the computer area where he works was horrible, and so on, you get the idea.
I did not start yelling right away, I handed the dogs dishes to him and told him to take them to the kitchen and clean them, then when I walked into the kitchen I also told him to clean that, and then what ever and he told me to shut up. It was then that I started to yell, more furious then loud. There was some talk, not a conversation for sure, but its obvious that he is very depressed, very unhappy, but still does not even try to do what could change that in his life. I understand that also, when we most need to do the right things, often is when we are least able to do the right things for ourselves.
There is no way to get him to a therapist, no money, no insurance and he would refuse to go to a public clinic, and with reason.
For years I have watched him make what in my opinion were the wrong, and the worst choices, and tried to help him see life in a different way, hoping he would again be happy and positive and maybe start to be productive also for himself, but those good things never happened. When he told me to shut up, I smacked him, and said he has to leave the house, that it is past time to move out, and now. I did put his brothers out for lesser offenses and he is well aware of that. They went to the Homeless shelter and tho the job corps, and to live with 'friends'. We all know that living with 'friends' is the worst choice of all ultimately and it proved to be for them also.

I don't even have a question here, except, what in the world is the matter with this smart, nice, well mannered and once very loving child ? He used to be a fun kid who enjoyed life, but not for a long time now. I really have no answers to any of this. He is creating his own misery and blaming me, trying to make me be the scapegoat for what ever has gone wrong for him.

When he quit his job at a Chinese Buffet, I stopped giving him any money, when he dropped out of the Job Corps, the same, but we let him continue to drive the car that his brother gave him when he left for the Army, an Infinity, old but nice, he brought his girl friend from Ohio here to live with us, and we accepted that, then he dumped her in the most horrible, cruel way to imagine, I can still not and never will be able to believe he did what he did on that on. He left home pre dawn to live with a friend, and then was tragically depressed and desperate with that situation, he needed to come home so we brought him back home to hopefully help him once again.

Nothing I have done has been right for him, with him, and I know of nothing that there is left for me to even try. I have told him that he absolutely has to move out because living here is twisting him up into curdled, painful circles, head aches, insomnia, tense, shaking hands, irritability. It has been making him immobile. He has no place to go, no money, so it would be the nightmare horror of the homeless shelter or the job corp and I shudder to think of either for him. I know there's nothing more to say , and nothing more to do. I already know that. I am between the Devil & the Deep Blue Sea and the Devil has a red hot pitch fork. The sea has sharks.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when he is back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear Gina,

I am sorry that your son seems to have resistant depression. Making him leave will not help him. He needs proper treatment.

Treatment of depression is more of an art by trail and error than a pure science because every person is different. That is why there are so many antidepressants on the market.

Sometimes if you up the dosage (up to a limit) then it will kick in. Most antidepressant don't start to work right away, but only after a few weeks.

Too much antidepressant medication, or mixing more than one, can cause serious side effects.

It is very important that once you start an antidepressant that you don't quit abruptly or you can get serious symptoms, even if you are replacing one with another.

Most antidepressants have side effects, so you must be on the alert for them, and know what they may be.

Therapy is often recommended in conjunction with antidepressants. Sometimes other drugs are added (such as antipsychotics or amphetamines). More drugs mean more risks.

I am sorry to hear that your son is one of those people who is resistant to antidepressants.

I understand that you have experience with some medications that you didn't mention. Let me tell you what I know about, just in case it is new information to you, in the hope that you will find something.

Evidently, your body adjusts to these doses and the drugs thus far have lost effect. Every person is different, and that is what they seem to experiment so much with different combinations and doses.

There are the drugs of the MAOI class on your list. (Monoamine Oxide Inhibitors). Such drugs would include tranylcypromine and phenelzine sulfate, and they are often prescribed as a last resort because they can have dangerous side effects and cannot be mixed with certain foods (aged cheeses, pickles, wine) and some other medications, such as some decongestants.

A newer, very promising MAOI is worn as a skin patch and has fewer side effects; it is called selegiline HCl.

Another very new drug, given by the brand name isXXXXX has promising results and you may want to inform you physician if s(he) doesn't know about it.

Another new antidepressant is agomelatine, which has no apparent side effects and has had some very positive anecdotal feedback.

Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) may be offered to you. It passes electrical currents (small) through the brain, affecting neurotransmitter levels. It usually offers immediate relief of severe depression and is used on individuals who don't respond to medications, and also to those who cannot take the strong effects of the medications, such as pregnant women and the elderly. It can, however, cause short term memory loss.


Another option is the implantation of a micro-pulse generator that stimulates the vagus nerve to affect the brain's mood centers. This is yet another way of treating chronic depression that is resistant to treatment. This does not put you at the same risk as ECT, and is a viable alternative.

Finally, there is Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, using electromagnets held against your upper forehead to produce an electric current in your brain for the purpose of affecting those same mood centers. This also does not shock your brain.

You have an array of options to consider and balance the costs in your money, time, and other considerations, against the history of failed drug treatment.

I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX have been of assistance to you. If this is enough information to get you motivated and give you some hopeful options, then I wish you the very best.


Warm regards,

Elliott

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7661
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

To let you know,


our son told me he was not taking his Rx because he didn't like how it made him feel, I accept and understand that.


 


I was done trying. Simply that. I made it clear that he had to wake up, jump out of bed, work a full day, find a job, or I was putting him out and I don't give a damn for his consequences. I told him that if he wants to go commit suicide, to go do it, hang himself, drive into a canal,use a gun, fine with me, and that there is nothing I can't take except watching him continue as he has been doing.


 


I also said, and meant, that anybody who does not value life enough or is too stupid to treasure every breath they take, should go die and the sooner the better because they don't deserve the precious gift of life. To me, its a case of good riddance of stupid rubbish and we are over populated anyway.


 


I also said that if he wants a war, he came to the right mother for it, that I no longer trust him and that I shall never in my life forgive nor forget that he told me to shut up. He lost me with that.


 


Since that next day, Andrew has been working, been polite and tried to make up with a plate of bacon he cooked for me, ( no I did not eat it ) but I sent him to the store for tomatoes, and fresh lettuce. I called him to wake up and he didn't get up so I got a large glass full of crushed ice and water and threw it on his head. I told him that I would never call him more than once . Since that day he jumps out of bed when I call him in the morning.


 


He went to register for Miami Dade College GED class to start at the end of the month when his brother leaves back to his base so it seems that he does not want to be put out and go to the homeless shelter after all. I would send him to the Peace Corps, if I could, to get into the real world. I think its way past time for me to continue to be worried about anybody else, had enough of that for my lifetime, now, its time for them to worry about me for a change. I have been pushed to the point in my lift that I find I really don't care which way it goes, only that it goes.


 


Yesterday he came to tell me that he got all of the leaves off the front yard, and cleaned outside, that he was sort of ''proud'' because it actually looks really nice.


 


In the days before all these wonderful drugs we are doping our kids with, they either worked or they didn't eat. I prefer to keep it that simple. No more pizza, no money in his bank account, no gas card for his car, and you get the idea. The truth is, surprisingly to me too, I actually don't care if he leaves or stays but I will not permit him to stay without earning his keep. He's a smart kid, I think he knows , I have played enough games, now, game over.


 


I feel at peace more than in so long, I am not drinking any more, and I sleep at night without it. I am doing what I really want to do finally about this, what I know needs to be done.

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