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RealSupport
RealSupport, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My 9 year old daughter was playing doctor with another little

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My 9 year old daughter was playing doctor with another little girl and asked her to pull down her panties and checked her tempature in her vagina with a play themometer. The girl agreed, she mentioned it later to her mom and her mom told me what had gone on. I'm very concerned about this and would like to know if this behavior is normal and is the best way to handle this.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Before anything I want to say that this behavior should not be taken as abnormal behavior, but as natural expression of sexual development and curiosity. Most times children learn from other children these behaviors and from self-exploration. The way you addressed it was very good. Could you please tell me how has your child's sexual education been at home and at school?

Customer:

Very limited so far at home and at school

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for replying.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then this situation becomes an ideal opportunity pushing you and your husband to start taking good care of your child's sexual education. She is already 9 years old. Sadly many parents just do not know about healthy and necessary sexual education and schools could neglect it, until episodes like this happen getting parents or staff attention.

Customer:

Not sure what she might be learning or hearing from her peers but I don't want her getting the wrong ideas. How do I handle this

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Telling a child not do to something without truly explaining the reasons why it is not adequate does not help but fuels further curiosity, one deeply fueled by media and social tabus around sexuality, This is why it's so essential for children to get a good sexual education at home from early childhood.

Customer:

is there

Customer:

so books that might help me with this

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you as parents provide assertive sexual education at home there is no way she could get negatively impacted by distorted opinions coming from elsewhere, and she would be able to take good care of herself and share with other children in healthy and acceptable ways too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely. There are very good books on this topic.

Customer:

What do you suggest?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

"Let's Talk About Sex" is a very good one.

Customer:

Do have any other suggestions for me

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

"Asking About Sex and Growing Up" and "It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families"
are very good too.

Customer:

ok thanks, XXXXX XXXXX think that this behavior isn't as more than just curiousity and can be easily handled

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Getting parenting classes focused on sexual education or getting counseling for you and your husband in order to develop better understanding and parenting skills on sexual education and challenges related to it, coudl be very helpful too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely.

Customer:

Alright, thank you so much I was worried that there might be a problem

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you observe your child's mood, behavior, functioning and relationships and they all appear healthy and good, and when you discuss about this topic in an open way she understands and is able to share in consistent ways, then it should not be a problem.

Customer:

ok

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Always promote and keep regular and open communication with your child so you know how she is doing around her sexual development, ask her where did she learn to take temperature that way, if somebody else did teach or show her. Frequent dialogue is essential.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

From there you would know how to better understand, support and share with your daughter.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please dialogue with your husband about it and take consistent action. Thank you for your trust.

RealSupport and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you