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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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My 32-year-old daughter and son-in-law 35 have three boys ages

Customer Question

My 32-year-old daughter and son-in-law 35 have three boys ages 11 mos, 2 years and 8 years old. (the last two in diapers) My daughter works as an office manager for a Chiropractor less than a year; my son-in-law is a non-licenses barber. My main issue is the care of my grandsons. They live in a house that is bordering on a hoard situation. There are clothes on the floor in the bedrooms, dirty diapers collecting in the filthy master bedroom. The bathrooms up stairs are filthy and barely usable. I can't tell where my grandsons are able to take baths every night. I'm afraid they don't get baths on a regular basis. I don't believe there is a place where clean towels are kept. The laundry room always has dirty clothes in it. The 2 and 8 year olds share a room in which the beds never get made and there are always toys, clothes, DVD', shoes covering the floor. The baby's room is not much better.

My son-in-law smokes in the house and considers going into the bathroom and putting a bath towel under the door makes it ok for the children.

The kitchen is normally horrendous. Things stay in there so long it grows into a green fuzzy mess that smells when you open the door. The stove is always dirty and has a pot of food rotting on a burner; most times until I clean it up.

I can hardly express the conditions they have my grandsons living in. I complain regularly and am at my wits end with this nonsense. My daughter was raised in a clean home. I'm not sure about her husband, but I think she has given up on having a clean house.

If there is any way you can advise me in this matter I would certainly appreciate it. I don't want my grandsons to think living like this is ok. They deserve better!!

Signed Frustrated GrandMommy
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi,

jenhelant :

I was just writing and then I had a technical error and lost everything. I apologize for the delay. Please give me a few moments to rewrite everything again. Thanks

jenhelant :

I am sorry what you are going through and understand how hurtful it must be for you to see this. The best thing that you can do is to talk with them about this and show them your concerns. Try not to judge or criticize since that can only make things worse and push them further into their ways. Rather sit them down and try saying something along the lines of " I understand that everyone is entitled to live as they wish, but I am just worried about you both and the children because I love you all so much. Go on to explain why you are worried and the effects it could have on the children. Try and get them to feel this worry themselves. Sometimes it takes experience for people to change and they need to learn for themselves, but I think you have a better chance getting through to them talking like that rather than calling them names. Also, I would not help them clean rather if you can try taking your grandchildren for the day, so they can have time to clean themselves. Also, while you are with your grandchildren you can be there for them to teach them age appropriate ways to be clean and hy it is important along with teaching them other things and spending time with them. If especially the 8 year old gets the feeling himself of what is right and wrong then he may start helping around the home and even talk with his parents about the situation naturally on his own. There is

jenhelant :

Nothing more embarrasing than your children bringing something like that to the parents attention. That could serve as their wake up call.

jenhelant :

I would also try to help remind your daughter and son in law how to be oganized. It is very easy to clean a home and the next day it be a mess if they do not know how to keep it clean. Show them how everything needs to have a spot and each thing needs to be put in its correct spot at the moment to avoid a mess. This will maintain the house clean along with a weekly dust, mop, and etc. They both may just be overwhelmed and not know how to stay clean with jbs and 3 children. They may just need some guidance. This is why teaching them can be best rather than doing it for them, but try in a fun loving way and not in a demanding fashion. Lastly,

jenhelant :

You can also try to do research online about how this effects children and bring it to there. ttention. This will show your concerns. All in all I think this would be the best approach. Other than this they need to take action and all you can do then is be there for your grandchildren to help guide them where you feel she is lacking as well as do your part as grandma. I wish you all the best. I see you are offline. I am going to switch this to question and answer, so it will alert me when you are back online in case you reply. Please let me know if I can be of further help. Thanks

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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