How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1140
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
13551071
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My soon to be ex wife is pressuring me to move out of our martial

Resolved Question:

My soon to be ex wife is pressuring me to move out of our martial home (rented) during/after the divorce, and is telling me that it is better for our child (5 year old daughter) psychologically if we give her a fresh start in a new home. My feelings are that divorce is stressful enough on my daughter, and that a move would add even more stress in her life. Would a move be healthy for my child psychologically, or would it more likely create additional confusion and undue stress that she would have to process in addition to the changes relative to the divorce.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I understand your side as well as hers. The divorce will be difficult and there is a lot of factors that play a role in this. If you both agree on living together in the house after the divorce there are different ways to do that as well as difference pros and cons.

1 You can both live at peace not talking about the divorce to your child until she is older while both of you maintaining your relationship with her. The down side to this is that she will learn that this is how a marriage is and think it is normal behavior since she will not know about the divorce.

2. You can do just the above and try explain to her about the divorce, so she grows up knowing this is not how a relationship should be. However, this can be confusing to her at such a young age and may do more harm than good.

For both of these options it would be extremely important that you both get along well and can handle this because fighting or negative behavior between the both of you can end up being counterproductive and doing more harm than good. Also, you would need to consider if one or both of you start a new relationship how that would work out and how long you would want to live like this. I do agree financially this option would be easier for both of you.

Now your wife does make good points because by living in a new home she can still continue a good relationship with each of you and know that you both are no longer together and this is why you do not live together any longer. This may be less confusing in the long run and children usually adapt well to new situations at this age.

All in all the important factor here is for you both to come to a conclusion that will realistically work for the both of emotionally, financially, and of course for the best interest of your daughter. I would sit down and discuss everything I pointed out with your wife along with ideas and opinions of each of you in order to create a plan. You both may consider doing your plan for a temporary amount of time and then switch over the her plan. Different things work for different people and this is one of those cases that you both would need to come to a compromise for your daughter. With either issue their will be pros and cons as well as issues she may go through. The important thing is for you both to be there for her with love and support through each time. Do not worry about the future, but handle things as they come. If you both spend time with her and do what is necessary as a parent then your daughter will be just fine regardless of what the two of you end up settling on.

I wish you all the very best and please let me know if I can clarify or be of further help.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I think you may have misunderstood mu inquiry slightly. My wife is planning to move out regardless, and we do not intend to continue to live together. I just plan to continue renting the same residence, and the wife seems to think that this will be worse psychologically for my daughter than if I got a new place and our daughter had two new homes. I think it better to maintain some form of normalcy in her life while this major transition occurs. Your input is valued, but did not provide clarity on what I am asking about. We are working on a shared parenting plan, and this is becoming a sticking point.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi Rick,

I am so sorry that I misunderstood and I thank you for clarifying for me. I do not think that by you staying in the same residence it would be worse psychologically for your daughter. If that is better for you financially then that is what you need to do. Anyway, I do agree with you in the sense that there will still be some normalcy in your daughter's life since she can visit you at a home where she is used to rather a new place all together. This can provide comfort to her being in a place she is used to rather than two completely new places.

Hope this was helpful. Please let me know if I can help further.

Thanks,
Jennifer
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1140
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
Jen Helant and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered
 
 
 

Related Parenting Questions

Chat Now With A Parenting Counselor
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Parenting Counselor
1140 Satisfied Customers
I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.