How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Bonnie Your Own Question

Bonnie
Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2169
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Bonnie is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My daughter is in 10th grade in high school. She is getting

Resolved Question:

My daughter is in 10th grade in high school. She is getting d's and f's in her classes and is failing. She has told us she thinks she is gay and has no friends. She is a great athlete and plays travel softball. She spends all her free time in her room on her i-phone or her computer on Facebook. We have taken all her stuff away but just makes things worse. I feel like I'm loosing my daughter and in fear of pushing her too far. She states that we are not letting her be herself. i don't know how to handle her or how to proceed. What do I do?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Bonnie replied 1 year ago.
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
This must be very disturbing for you. When did her grades start to decline?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Grades have always been a challenge and But got worse when starting high school . She was diagnosed with
(add) last year and is taking the meds for it. Seem to help with the focus but made her loose a lot of
weight and seemed to be angry all the time now.
Expert:  Bonnie replied 1 year ago.
Thanks John....well as you know this is a difficult age to begin with and then add a few stressors and it is hard on everyone. Then, there is the balance you need to obtain between giving her some independence but still being a safety net if she falls.

Here's what I would recommend....seek help with your "safety net" role. First, since she has always struggled with grades, ask for an IEP (special education) in the category of Other Health Impaired (OHI) for her ADD diagnosis. She will be provided with a resource teacher who will take on the responsibility of her school performance. You should be taken out of the equation on that one because it causes family strife and it should be the schools role anyway (since grade have always been a struggle). You do not need to be the disciplinarian regarding school.

Then, it sounds like she is going through some adjustment changes (questioning her identity and problems with friendships)....this is typical for his age but, again, if you suspect that these adjustments are interfering with her function at school, she may benefit from an outside person to talk to....a therapist. Here is a list in your area.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?sid=1356675095.1353_14483&city=Rancho+Santa+Margarita&county=Orange&state=CA&spec=5

You can also use the therapist to help you have a dialog with daughter about the rules (about time on FB and IPhone) and support you in your enforcing of the rules.
The most important item to avoid loosing your daughter is to keep communication open. So taking yourself out of the conflictual areas (grades and adjustments) and having healthy discussion and activities together (with help of therapist if necessary) should be your goal.

Be rest assured, the difficult adolescent years (14 and 15) do pass and adjustment does happen towards happier times ahead.

I hope this helps....warm regards
Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2169
Experience: and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
Bonnie and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered