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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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My daughter is in 10th grade in high school. She is getting

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My daughter is in 10th grade in high school. She is getting d's and f's in her classes and is failing. She has told us she thinks she is gay and has no friends. She is a great athlete and plays travel softball. She spends all her free time in her room on her i-phone or her computer on Facebook. We have taken all her stuff away but just makes things worse. I feel like I'm loosing my daughter and in fear of pushing her too far. She states that we are not letting her be herself. i don't know how to handle her or how to proceed. What do I do?

Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Bonnie replied 3 years ago.
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
This must be very disturbing for you. When did her grades start to decline?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Grades have always been a challenge and But got worse when starting high school . She was diagnosed with
(add) last year and is taking the meds for it. Seem to help with the focus but made her loose a lot of
weight and seemed to be angry all the time now.
Expert:  Bonnie replied 3 years ago.
Thanks John....well as you know this is a difficult age to begin with and then add a few stressors and it is hard on everyone. Then, there is the balance you need to obtain between giving her some independence but still being a safety net if she falls.

Here's what I would help with your "safety net" role. First, since she has always struggled with grades, ask for an IEP (special education) in the category of Other Health Impaired (OHI) for her ADD diagnosis. She will be provided with a resource teacher who will take on the responsibility of her school performance. You should be taken out of the equation on that one because it causes family strife and it should be the schools role anyway (since grade have always been a struggle). You do not need to be the disciplinarian regarding school.

Then, it sounds like she is going through some adjustment changes (questioning her identity and problems with friendships)....this is typical for his age but, again, if you suspect that these adjustments are interfering with her function at school, she may benefit from an outside person to talk to....a therapist. Here is a list in your area.

You can also use the therapist to help you have a dialog with daughter about the rules (about time on FB and IPhone) and support you in your enforcing of the rules.
The most important item to avoid loosing your daughter is to keep communication open. So taking yourself out of the conflictual areas (grades and adjustments) and having healthy discussion and activities together (with help of therapist if necessary) should be your goal.

Be rest assured, the difficult adolescent years (14 and 15) do pass and adjustment does happen towards happier times ahead.

I hope this helps....warm regards
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