I don't really recall when my son first hit me. I would say he has hit me a couple of times for the past two years. He's normally a good kid, very sweet and caring about me in normal days. He never has any behavior issues at school, rather the teacher and his friends like him a lot. However as his mom, I know he could get into very emotional once in a while. When he's younger (3-10), when that time comes, he would keep crying and screaming for hours, and also slamming the door. It usually happens during the night. He can't calm down during those times. I used to be so afraid that we were going to disturb our neighbors and I used to cover his mouth and try not let him scream and we would end up in a fight. I always think about how we ended up like that every time and would talk to him and apologize to him and ask him what I can do next time to avoid such fight. He would do the same too, apologize to me as well. I always hope he would outgrow this some day. As he grow older, he no longer keeps crying and screaming for hours any more. he would jump into angry really quick and throw pens, books or pillows and then rush to his room and slam the door behind. I thought he's getting better, because afterall, he no longer throw tantrum for hours. In a few times, happened mostly in recently 2 years, he shot at me and hit me. Yesterday we had a fight about his homework. I told him two week's back and he has to finish it during the Thanksgiving break weekend. He didn't. So yesterday I told him again that he has to finish it before the end of day otherwise I'm not going to let him go to his basketball practice. He loves basketball by the way. I thought I could use that to push him to get the homework done. The homework is due this Tues. At night, I noticed my son was not concentrating on his work, so I moved my laptop to his side and said I will work at his side so if he has questions, I can answer. My son was angry and said I told him that he can finish the work by this Sunday before. There's so many left and he can't finish today. I then told him that it's fine if he can't finish today. The only thing is I'm not sending him to his basketball practise this week. He then said well.. i'm going to play then. He grabbed the iPad on the table and started to play. I grabed the iPad away and told him he's banned to play iPad this weekend (I told him this before). He jumped to anger and tore his homework page to half. I was mad too and tore his homework into pieces and throw it to the trash can. I told him, "that's it. i'm tried of asking you to do this and do that again and again. you are on your own from now on. " He rushed back and started to hit me, punch my back hard. I took take his hit at first. then I tried to stop him but I can't. I hit him back a few times too. My husband is in his study room the whole time. He came out at this time and moved my son away and told him, "she's your mom. You can't do this. ".
He's my only son. We don't have any other kids. His father normally stays in his study room. He does not involve in much of my son's activities. Everytime when the fight starts, he normally keeps quiet in his place. I have asked him many times to get involved in earlier to calm down either me or my son, but he seems just let it happend.
I don't really know how to discipline my son when things like this happen. He will always say sorry to me afterwards. I would always be heart broken at first few days, not talk to him, not cook (his dad will take him out to eat) and then start to forgive him. I checked up some psychatists (even called for appointment) specializing in anger management, but didn't end up visiting any of them. I also think of talking to his school consulor, but afraid this might bring bad image on him. He's a pretty good student at school. So I didn't do anything so far.
Thank you for all the advices. I'm feeling much better now. What kind of punishment you would recommend that I should give to my son?
Sorry for the delayed response, but thank you very much for your help!