Hi, My name is XXXXX XXXXX sorry to hear what you are going through. I understand how difficult it must be for you especially since she sets the example for the other children.
I understand you have tried many things already and all of the things sound good. Are you consistent with taking away priveleges and etc?
Also, how were your results with the total transformation kit?
My husband and I struggle to be consistent and he is the easier one of the two of us. Remembering to enforce things has been hard with everything that goes on, but all-in-all, I think we are fairly consistent. She just doesn't seem to care about the consequences...so we keep thinking they need to be more severe but can't come up with what might work with her.
The total transformation kit was a bit of a nightmare. We consulted with a counselor by phone who advised us to try different techniques that didn't work and probably exacerbated my daughter's defiant behavior.
a) often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work or other activities b) often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities c) often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly d) often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (no if oppositional behavior or doesn't understand instructions) e) often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities f) often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks or activities that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework) g) often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g., toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools) h) is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli i) is often forgetful in daily activities
a) often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat b) often leaves seat in classroom or in other situations in which remaining seated is expected c) often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is inappropriate (in adolescents or adults, may be limited to subjective feelings of restlessness) d) often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly e) is often "on the go" or often acts as if "driven by a motor" f) often talks excessively g) often blurts out answers before questions have been completed h) often has difficulty awaiting turn i) often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games)
My eldest daughter definitely does not fit either of these 2 Dx. She is incredibly smart - has skipped a grade and still manages to be more successful in school than most of her peers. She is currently taking 4 advanced placement classes in 7th grade when the schools generally only recommend students take 2 at a time and though we haven't seen her first report card, I expect it will likely be all A's. My youngest has been diagnosed with ADD and I'm familiar with those criteria. The last counselor to see her did suggest ODD...which fits better, but leaves us in the same position we are currently facing.
D. Criteria are not met for conduct disorder, and, if the individual is age 18 years or older, criteria are not met for antisocial personality disorder.
Also, See: Other Disorders Usually First Diagnosed in Infancy, Childhood, or Adolescence
Other Mental Health Diagnostic Symptoms and Criteria
Dr. Shirley Schaye,
If I were to look for a child psychiatrist, how would you recommend finding a good one? I live in a small town and would need to travel 2.5 hours to a big city in order to see someone, but I don't want to just pick one off the internet. Suggestions?
We live in zip code 78852 (Eagle Pass TX), within 1 hour of 78840 (Del Rio, TX), and 2.5 hours from 78229 (San Antonio) among others.
Thank you very much for your time and advice.
Here's a specific instance with my 12-year old daughter that I need help with: I've asked her to unload the clean dishes from the dishwasher and put them away, twice. I also asked her to take her backpack, that she left on the couch, to her room. She responds by going to her room, closing her door, and reading. She picks and chooses what she wants to comply with and we don't know what to do anymore. She's already on restriction from electronics (TV, computer) so there isn't much else we can take away for misbehavior. She is too big at this point for us to "force" her to do anything. Suggestions? We try not to ask much of her anymore because if she refuses, it reinforces to her that she has the power in the relationship.
I really want to know what someone would suggest doing if this was any other child. Forget that she might be ODD, what if she isn't? How would you recommend any parent handle this particular situation?
Thank you Jennifer (jenhelant),
I didn't get your previous responses past the first initial questions you asked and assumed that you had passed things off to the other expert, thus, the rating I gave you reflected that. Sorry about that. I do appreciate your attempt to help again.
We have taken my daughter to multiple therapists, mostly LCSWs and she enjoys the situation and tends to manipulate them. Your point that she has behavioral issues at home but not at school rings so true and that is why I am reluctant to seek a diagnosis of ODD (or whatever), which would encourage someone to prescribe medication. I feel like if my husband and I had better tools for dealing with her, we could turn the situation around. I feel such a sense of urgency, but don't know what to try. I feel like everything I have done has failed with her and frankly I lack the confidence to enforce anything anymore (though I still do try). I'm really hoping for specific suggestions to specific instances from the experts on this website.
I have threatened not to wash her clothing before but haven't followed through with that. At this point, she already makes her own snacks, but I did stop making her breakfast several weeks ago mainly because I was making it for her and she wasn't eating it. Now she doesn't eat breakfast at all. I have a hard time with this outcome when she doesn't seem to be phased by my consequence and is also harming herself as a result; she has been gaining weight since she was 9 and skipping breakfast is not good for her metabolism.
Other suggestions for consequences are welcome and needed. Right now, she occupies a second master suite with a bathroom that we "took away" from her for a few months to improve her behavior. We switched rooms with her sister. Her behavior was better but as soon as she was given her room back, she reverted to the same mouthy, non-helpful behavior. We are thinking about doing this again, but permanently and without warning. The problem I see with this would be the incentive to change her behavior would not be there if she did not have the opportunity to "earn" her bedroom back. I'm not going to do it, however, if we have to keep switching rooms back and forth. Doing this switch also has consequences for her relationship with her younger sister who would be sharing the other bathroom with her. I'm sure there would be fights.
Once again, thanks for your additional attempt to help me. I look forward to hearing back from you regarding the additional things I have written today.