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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1745
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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I have a close friend who has decided to end our friendship

Resolved Question:

I have a close friend who has decided to end our friendship due to an estranged business relationship between our husbands. We always promised we would never let their business affect us, or more importantly our 9 year old daughters who are best friends since birth (just a few days apart). Despite many attempts, this friend will not take my calls and has sent word that our girls will no longer be friends. I have been putting my daughter off every time she asks about her friend and I can no longer not tell her the truth. How would you recommend I explain this to her?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families.

CoachJenK :

I am sorry for your loss around this friendship and it seems possible that she is getting pressure from her husband. It is very unfortunate for you and extremely devastating for your child and for hers. I am saddened to hear that she cannot put the best interests of the children above all else.

CoachJenK :

I think your daughter will have a hard time understanding the loss but as best you can speak to her delicately about it and let her know that sometimes between people there can be some difficulties and because of these difficulties among the grown ups that she has decided to not let her daughter play anymore.

CoachJenK :

you are in a no win situation here and I feel for you.

CoachJenK :

The best you can do is support your child when she feels sad.

CoachJenK :

It feels very horrifying to know that she wont let the girls remain friends.

CoachJenK :

as parents we put the needs of our kids first and this is not happening here by her.

Customer:

I believe it is entirely due to her husband. I can't try any more. It's devastating to my husband and I. My daughter will be even more devastated. I can't even think about telling her but know we have to.

CoachJenK :

I am with you and I truly feel for all of you.

CoachJenK :

I would keep it simple and be supportive. she may not have a full understanding so allow her to ask the questions that she needs to and let her know you are there to listen and care for her and you feel sad too.

Customer:

I agree. I sent her an email today reminding her we can be civil and still keep the girls together. I pray that somehow she will come to her senses. She we just be straight up honest with our daughter? She's so young to understand the details

CoachJenK :

also let her know this is not your choice

Customer:

would you recommend waiting until the weekend when she has time to dwell on it, or is it better to tell her during the week when she's distracted by school?

CoachJenK :

I think you need to be as honest as possible without going into the nitty gritty details...keep it more general that sometime people dont get along and this has happened.

CoachJenK :

I am not sure there is a right or a wrong time. She will feel sad either way so I would say when you feel that you can spend the right amount of time with her around it.

CoachJenK :

I too am hoping that your email will get through to her.

CoachJenK :

how very sad!

Customer:

Thanks. I appreciate the advice and compassion. It is definitely one of the saddest situations I've encountered as a mom. Thanks again!

CoachJenK :

I wish you the best and as a Mom too I know that sadly we will encounter many along the way and our best course of action is openness and honesty but also with an understanding of how much of the information they can understand and process.

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1745
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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