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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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My 7yo daughter hates doing homework, but it has to get done.

Customer Question

My 7yo daughter hates doing homework, but it has to get done. She's in 2nd grade and homework takes 10-30 minute per night once she decides she can do it. She's smart and capable. But she often refuses to do it and tantrums for an hour or two before succumbing and doing the homework. I put her in timeout for the tantrums, but she's getting too heavy for me and won't walk there. I hate that homework creates a 2 hour fight. How can I get her to do her homework and how can I effectively punish her if I can't keep her in timeout.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
HI

I am sorry for what is happening with your daughter. It seems like you are doing all the right things, but I understand how sometimes it seems like nothing will work. The key is consistency. If she is to big for you to physically put best in a time out then instead calmly let her know the consequences as things and privilegeswillbe taken away of she did not get it done in a certain amount of time. Stay calm and let her be.
If she does not get it done on time or does a tantrum then she will need to stop and will not be able to play. She will also need to go to school with no H.W. She will then see that the consequences also carry over to school. You can also let the teacher know so she is aware that way she does not think you are allowing this with no purpose. I think when your daughter has to go to school with no homework and explain to the teacher why and that she need to get her homework done within that period of time you give her then she will have no choice, but to do it without a problem since she knows there will be no extra time to finish and she will face consequences. Also, consistency with this and taking away the privileges are extremely important. If she sees she can get away with something
one day and not the next she will play on that so consistency with the discipline and the plan is extremely crucial in this.

One other suggestion if you want to trysomething fun before you try the above you can get a timer and ask her to have a race with it and beat the clock. This may work at first but you may need to do the above and I guarantee it will work. It may not happening over night but it will. Just be patient and consistent asking with not getting upset and she will see that your are in control of the situation and she can not do this at him the same way she does not do it in school.

Hang in there and stay positive. Sometimes we go through to patches as s parent, but if you doing give up things can and will get better. All the best and please let me know if I can be of further help.

Thanks,

Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I read your response last night. It seems like your have suggested the only thing that I haven't tried full out, although I have partially tried it. I have tried beat the clock. I will try this, but I won't rate this post until I have a solution that works. No offense to you, but for a service where I pay, I must get a solution.

I have been consistent for 7years and try extremely hard to keep my cool, but I'm not a robot and there's only so much one can take. I also do believe its important to show a child how they make somebody feel when misbehaving...I'm not a robot who doesn't hurt or get annoyed.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,I understand your concerns. Consistency is really the key. Set the time example 40 minutes or whatever you choose and if she is not done due to a tantrum have her go to school with no homework and also take a privelege away. Do this everyday. It may not happen overnight, but it will improve. Sometimes it does get worse before it gets better because they can tend to resent the consistent behavior. Just do not give up. I have no problem with you waiting for you to rate my answer. You can even come back here for further help and updates. I also understand that you need to let your feelings show. I sure do not want you to feel like a robot and children do need to see feelings, but when I mean stay calm I mean do not let her stress you out and get out of control when in that moment. What happens is they feed on this and use it against us. It ends up not helping and making things worse. However, it sure is not easy. Sometimes its good to take a few minute breather. If she sees you are staying calm then her subcouncious plan is not working. She will see she is not getting any attention from this show nor any benefit. Some times children can play on our nerves, so when we take that away and be firm with the consequences and do not bend they are really put up against the wall and most of the time see this is serious and need to make a change. It is not easy on our part. However, if you can go through this for a few weeks you will start to see changes. Just think positive and do not give up as well as stay consistent. I would love to hear your update and as I said take the time you need to rate my answer. Thanks,Jennifer

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