How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask SREED177 Your Own Question

SREED177
SREED177, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience:  I have a Master's In Marriage and Family Therapy, and have been in the field for 4 years.
20550412
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
SREED177 is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My question has more to do with grandparents than parents.

Resolved Question:

My question has more to do with grandparents than parents. My wife and I are parents to a beautiful 7 month old daughter, are first and only child. I'm 41, my wife is 36, and this will probably be our only child in terms of planning. My concern stems from my parents. I won't say they are disinterested in their only grandchild, but they seem disinterested in visiting her. They do live several states away, but the flight to reach us is only an hour. My wife's parents are a three hour drive away, and have seen my daughter several times since she was born. My parents, however, have only seen her twice -- when she was born, and two months after that. Since then, obviously, our little girl has become much more interesting than as a true newborn, but my parents haven't made very much effort to see her. They mention coming out to see her, but never make firm plans, or if they pick a date, they give us a few weeks notice, and that date doesn't work for us, so it never happens.

Two things frustrate me in particular: first, they are retired. Their schedule is their own, so they can plan ahead if they want. Second, they make time to visit the major events in the lives of OTHER children in the family who live closer to them, who are great nieces and nephews, but they don't seem to want to do it for their own granddaughter. They have an open invitation to visit at Thanksgiving (we've hosted it for several years now...my wife's family comes, my parents may or may not come depending on the year), but now, my aunt (mom's eldest sister) is terminally ill, and that visit probably won't happen. While I am saddened at potentially losing my aunt, and I understand completely that such a visit at Thanksgiving may not come about (and it has upset my mother as well), I can't help but feeling a little miffed that the opportunities were there for several months to visit, and my parents haven't gone to any great lengths to make it happen. I also think (sibling rivalry alert) that they worry about my 35 year old brother who lives near them, who is unemployed, and (long story) has 3 DWI convictions and no driver's license (although he's been able to get his license back for 2 years now, just hasn't made an effort to do so) and they don't want to stray too far away from him. To make matters worse, my parents are getting up in years -- my father will be 74 this week, my mother is 69 -- so it is not as though many opportunities may be available in the future. I'm not sure if they don't understand that it's not easy to make anXXXXXwith a 7 month old and they expect US to visit, or if they just don't get it.

How do I approach this with them? As I say, I'm disappointed, and slightly angry about it, but I'm not sure how to have this discussion.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  SREED177 replied 1 year ago.
Ok well the first thing that you can do is to be open and honest with them about how you are feeling and their lack of concern regarding your daughter. Try to remain respectful even though you are upset with them, so that they do not respond in anger but understand your true feelings and how this has affecting you. It is possible that they are not even aware that they are offending you with their behavior so the best thing to do is to bring it up to their attention, as well as a plan of actions. By a plan of action I mean suggest ways to them that they could be more involved in your daughters life. This may include asking them to visit at least once every other month and even suggesting assisting with the plane ticket cost if you can, just in case this is a reason why they may have not come down sooner. Also, suggest coming to see them once and a while. Although it may not be ideal, they may not want to travel as much due to their age, and if you make it seem like you are meeting them half way, then they be more open to visiting you.

Also, try to get them involved from far away. They may not realize how much they are missing. So try to send them pictures of your daughter regularly, even videos. Also when you call them, try to have your daughter in the background or to get on the phone with them even though she cannot speak, hearing her may invoke something in them that may cause them more interest. By hearing her and seeing your daughter on a regular this may spark some interest in them wanting to see your daughter more. Also by expressing that you are unhappy, it may also make them relevant how they have been toward their grandchild.

SREED177, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience: I have a Master's In Marriage and Family Therapy, and have been in the field for 4 years.
SREED177 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered