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SREED177, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  I have a Master's In Marriage and Family Therapy, and have been in the field for 4 years.
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How can I teach my 9yr old daughter tact? She comes across

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How can I teach my 9yr old daughter tact? She comes across rude and disrespectful to me, other adults and her friends. She has a know it all personality. When I try to talk with her it becomes an argument, she get's angry and then she blames herself and then blames me and says I'm always criticizing her.

I think that the best thing that you can try to do with your daughter is try to set boundaries and implement a reward and punishment system.


Lets start with her talking back. When she begins this arguments or is disrespectful, tell her that her behavior is rude and disrespectful and then tell her the proper way to speak to you or how she should have said the phrase. Then tell her that if she does it again then she will have a consequence. You can chose whatever consequences that you want, it may be time out, taking away her favorite toy for the day, or whatever you chose. You can are her mother so you know what things mean the most to her. If you take something away, it has to matter to he so that she will notice.


Whenever she talks back, tell her you will give a consequences, and the if she does it again, always follow up with a consequence, never give a second, third, or fourth chance. At this point do not argue with her or what go back and forth with her, just follow through with the consequences and walk away. If it is a time out then she does 9 minutes, do not let her minutes count unless she is in a the spot being still, she cannot walk out. If she tries to walk out, remain calm and lead her back to the spot. Tell her that her time will not count until she stands in this spot for 9 minutes.


She may even try to through a tantrum at this point. The point is not to feed into it or even show her attention while she is doing it, do not show that you are bothered or frustrated by it (even if you are). Remind her that if she wants your attention that negative behavior is not the way to get it, tell her that once she stops throwing the tantrum then you will acknowledge her. The point is to re-train behavior so that she sees that positive behavior gets your attention not negative. Do not let her make you feel guilty, this is a manipulation technique, so do to feed into it.


Now for the reward part, for each day that she does not get a punishment or a consequence, you can tell her that she will get a reward. You do not have to buy the reward, but it can be extra tv time, or time outside. It depends on what she likes. This will give her an extra incentive to behave. Even when she is acting out, you can remind her that if she does not straighten up she will not get her reward for the day.

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