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SREED177, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  I have a Master's In Marriage and Family Therapy, and have been in the field for 4 years.
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I am looking for some outside advise... I trying to get contact

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I am looking for some outside advise... I trying to get contact with my daughter who I haven't seen now for 13 years. Her mother has been very good at shutting out my entire family. When she was 14 I tried sending a birthday card and a gift with a cell phone in it and my contact info. Her mother had a restraining order put on me.. I went to court to fight it, she won. Claimed it was traumatic for my daughter. It has been 4 years since anyone in my family has tried to make contact. My daughter is now 18 and a senior in high school and I want to try and contact her, but stay out of court if possible.. Any ideas would be appreciated

I would first make sure that the retraining order is lifted before you make contact. Once you find that out then you can write her first. Focus your letter or creating a relationship with her. Do not focus on the past or even mention her mother. If you do mention her mother, it could turn her against you. Her mother is the parent that she knows, and speaking against her mother it will never be in your best interest.


When you write, even if she does not write you back keep writing. Staying positive, telling her that you miss her and how much you would like to start a relationship. Do not start off by sending gifts. She may think that you are trying to buy her love. Just start off making the conversation about her and trying to get to know her. Always remain positive and never harper on the the past. Even if she ask, give a vague answer. Do not down her mom.

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