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Ask earthsister Your Own Question

earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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My 12year old son doesnt socialize with his classmates.how

Customer Question

My 12year old son doesn't socialize with his classmates.how do I help him.for this reason heis always sidelined and bullied.what can I do to help him.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.

earthsister :

Hello, I would like to assist you today.

earthsister :

How long has your son been non social? Has anything changed, or is this his personality?

Customer : He has been like this from the start
earthsister :

I see. Is he involved in any groups or extra curricular activities? Does he have any friends?

Customer : no .all his friends r much smaller than his age
earthsister :

I first recommend that you speak to the school (a teacher or counselor, or even principal) and make them aware of any bullying that your son is experiencing. They should be able to keep an eye on the situation and stay in contact with you regarding any concerns that you have. Secondly, I recommend that you encourage your son to become involved in some extra curricular activities that he may enjoy (in school or out of school). Being involved with other children his age in activities that he enjoys as well may help to boost his self confidence, and also help him to meet new friends. I think that a fantastic idea for an extra curricular activity is a martial arts class. With this, he can learn to protect himself as well as many of the positive principles that are often taught to children.

earthsister :

If you do think it to be necessary, speaking to your son's pediatrician at his next appointment may also be a good idea. Let him or her know about your concerns, and maybe even the doctor can recommend a child therapist that can help your son learn to be more confident and social

Customer : I always keep in touch with his school. I will surely enroll him in a martial arts class at the earliest.
earthsister :

Definitely! And ask him what he may want to do; he may be an artist, musician, computer expert, etc. Figure out his passion and work with the school and other organizations to find programs with other children that he can become involved in. The key to being social is feeling a connection with the people you have to socialize with. Your son needs to be around other children like himself to feel most comfortable.

Customer : he is also a slow learner but surely he is improving a lot everyday.he is also not very dexterous.how can I improve his dexterity
Customer : hedexterity he always has a fascination for cars
earthsister :

There are several organizations that provide tutoring services to help children improve in their studies; Silvan Learning Center is one such organization: http://tutoring.sylvanlearning.com/

earthsister :

They provide a custom tutoring experience to help your child in the areas that he needs most. They are a very reputable company as well

Customer : u asked about his fascination? It's cars
earthsister :

Use the love that your son has for cars as a springboard as well. There may be some form of automotive class that he can become involved in. I know high schools use to offer a class on auto: maybe a school counselor can help direct you to any programs or services available to your son in this area.

Customer : He is very dependent but tries hard to do things himself
Customer : he is not spontaneous and has to be pushed by. Us
earthsister :

Keep supporting him when he does need you, but as you do so, reinforce the importance of him doing things on his own, and work with him consistently in learning how to be independent. Overall, encourage your son to be his best, in all that he does, and compliment and reward him for all of his efforts. Let him know that you are proud of him, that he is growing into a fine young man, and that you will do all that you can to support him in his growth and development. Spend time with him, with school work and spending time together on the weekends and evenings. Your love, attention, and support will also serve as confidence boosters for him for many years to come.

Customer : I am always doing that
Customer : am I an over anxious mom
earthsister :

And you are doing a fantastic job in doing so. Getting him into those extra curricular activities and a tutoring program should be valuable steps that will bring positive results.

earthsister :

You are a mom who loves, and cares very much about your son!

earthsister :

Keep doing what you are doing and your son will be just fine!

Customer : how to make him be spontaneous
earthsister :

Would you say that he sees you being spontaneous?

Customer : I think so
earthsister :

Please give me an example of what you mean by being spontaneous?

Customer : for ex if someone visits us I have to make him to go meet and greet them.he never starts a conversation and if the person OSA stranger to him he avoids replying
earthsister :

I understand. Continue to lead by example and be patient with him. Your son is his own person, and has his own personality. As you mentioned, he has basically always been that way. Give him more responsibilities that may involve speaking to strangers; calling and placing the pizza order, or ordering when you ll are out, answering the phones at home etc. Although you are not a stranger, having conversations with you and others on a constant basis with whom he is comfortable with should help also.

earthsister :

Do be patient with him though. Give him some time to get comfortable in such a new role for him.

Customer : He is comfortable in speaking with familiar people
earthsister :

Keep doing that; continue speaking (and most importantly listening) to him everyday. That might be another inquiry to bring up to his school teacher or counselor; whether they know of any public speaking classes or courses that your son may be able to attend.

Customer : whenever he does a mistake and I scold he retreats in a shell .he starts crying and feel bad about it .i immediately console him. Saying I am not angry with him but just that he has to understand the mistake he has done and not to repeat it.
earthsister :

Do bring this up to his pediatrician as there may be an underlying reason for this behavior and the withdrawn behavior as well. He or she will be able to suggest the best method or professional to help your son in these areas. I do have to step away from the conversation briefly, however I will return shortly. If you do have any further questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to ask, and I will respond immediately upon my return. Thank you.

Customer : thank u
earthsister :

Hello, I am just checking to see if I have answered your question completely, or if you do need any other suggestions. Please let me know.

Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.
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