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SREED177, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience:  I have a Master's In Marriage and Family Therapy, and have been in the field for 4 years.
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I am in the millitary, and i recently moved from my home state

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I am in the millitary, and i recently moved from my home state to another state. my wife did not want to move with me, because she wants to stay until my step son who is 17 graduate. we have two younger kids whom I haven't seen in a year. this is bothering me as my step son is acting up, talking back, running away from home, and staying with friends because he believes my wife is not letting him do anything. I feel like if we had moved it would have been better for him. sure he would miss his friends but he would be okay. I don't think my wife can handle him very well.
Having a military life can be difficult. The reason being is because families tend to move together quite often, and sometimes in your situation they chose not to live together.

I think that first it can be difficult on your family. Has you mentioned your son is with your wife, and she seems not to be handling it too well. He is older, and since you are not there, he is more than likely having a lot of trouble listening to a step parent.

I am more inclined to agree that I do not think that it would have been a huge deal if your family moved with you. I myself, am a military brat and moved quite often. I agree that I missed my friends, but it was not a life altering event, to the point that I could not function. Also with technology such as Facebook and twitter etc. He would have been able to maintain contact his friends just fine.

I know that you wife wanted the family to stay where they are and not moved, however if the family is falling apart in the situation that you are in. Would it be beneficial to talk to her about moving to where you are. You can tell her to first come and visit to the area and meet some of the people. They have social clubs for spouses of military wives and even children of the military, so they would have people to assist them in adjusting, and perhaps it may not be so bad. Also,when she is there, you two can get into couples counseling to repair some of the damage that has been done to your relationship. Also, this would give you guys a chance to be a family again and to see your other two children, instead of being so distant

As for you son, he does not seem to be doing very well where he is now. So if he moves, I do not think that it could be worse. Another suggestion could be that you can asked that your son move with you, as oppose to uprooting the whole family, that way you can contain his behavior where you are if you wife cannot handle him.

If this is not an option at all. Then some things you may want to consider, is that when you can, you can try to visit the family more often, or have them come and visit you more. If you are going to live in two separate places, you can try to maintain the bond, by seeing each other more often, so it causes let stress.

Also, if not moving is an option, your wife and son can consider going to counseling together. She can try to learn how to parent him better and they could build a better relationship so that he may me more inclined to listen to her. He may also want to consider counseling on his own, so that he can get out some of his feelings to someone, and they can assist on controlling his behavior.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Sorry I am the step parent. Therefore he is having problems with his natural parent. Do you still think it will be best to suggest he move in with me. However I do like your answer.

I think that it depends on your relationship with the child. If you feel that you two are fairly close and that you feel comfortable with him living with you and if he looks at you like a parent, then yes, I think that it would be fine for him to move with you. The idea of a strong male role model, may be good for him. Also, you may be able to handle him and his behaviors, more so than his mother.
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