How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask DocRob Your Own Question

DocRob
DocRob, Doctor (MD)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 84
Experience:  Doctor & Father
65832423
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
DocRob is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I need advice about dealing with my 11 year old daughter.

Resolved Question:

I need advice about dealing with my 11 year old daughter. She's really a good kid, but has a tendency to procrastinate with her chores. She has a tendency to always say, "I didn't hear you," or "I forgot." After this goes on for a while, I get to the point where I end up having a melt down because I'm so frustrated with her. After I have the melt down, she's really good about doing her chores and even be more helpful around the house, but how can I avoid getting to the point of having a melt down? In other words, when I'm being nice and giving gentle reminders it doesn't work, it's like it takes me having a melt down before she starts taking her responsibilities seriously.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  DocRob replied 2 years ago.
Welcome to Just Answer. I truly hope that you will be able to benefit from my many years experience both in paediatrics, and as a father! I will aim to provide sensible, common sense help, but I need you to read and agree to the contents of this paragraph.

This conversation cannot be used as a substitute for a face to face patient-doctor consultation and is for educational purposes only. Whilst I may give suggestions for you to look at, I cannot diagnose or recommend treatment online and I cannot be held responsible for the consequences derived from the information given here, under any circumstances.

Finally, I would be very grateful if you could rate my answer when completed; I strive for level 3 or above in this but if you feel that you my advice warrant’s negative feedback, please remain in contact with me to see if we can resolve any issues before leaving the feedback. If you still feel that my answer was poor and that negative feedback is warranted, I will then fully respect your wishes.

If you continue this conversation, you are accepting these as our “terms”.

Welcome,e to JA, I too have a daughter that is 11 years old (Neve) and what you describe could easily fit the bill with our experiences. I also hear these complaints a hell of a lot, so please be reassured that you are not alone. There are 2 main things that I would look at here:
1/ your daughter is reaching a very difficult age emotionally where from a psychological perspective she moves away from her parents as the main role models and support in her life, toward her friends - they start to take up more "value".
2/ as part of this process, psychologists refer to the process of "pushing the boundaries", which we all encounter and is a well acknowledge component of this psychosocial stage in development.

Knowing these two as loose "facts" is important because it helps you keep the situation in context.

After that, you then have a right as the parent to have rules in your house adhered to, and to be shown respect whist at the same time allowing your daughter increasing autonomy (self-reliance) in her own life.

The key with ANY parenting at ANY age is CONSISTENCY. I would recommend that you set in place a set of specific requirements you have of her in a day or week (eg, room tidy, homework completed). Let her know that you expect this, and that failure to do them, will result in a consequence such as being grounded. Adherence to the rules can be allowed to reap rewards such as being able to stay out later, or financial incentives with pocket money etc. However, you have to be FIRM and CONSISTENT in enforcing those rules.
it is important to have this sort of chat with her, to let her know that you are are respecting her, and giving her more responsibility in the family, and showing her more trust.

I know it can be really difficult, but having episodes where you get angry can end up causing more problems (although every now and again it can be a useful reminder that you mean business). It sounds like you have a lovely daughter and an excellent relationship, and that is the key. If I were in your situation I would broach the subject with her along the lines of a "coming of age" or a "growing up" chat were you explain that as you get older you are expected to do more and more, and that it is your job as a parent to prepare her for the real world where she doesn't have a mum to do everything for her.

Does this help? Do you have any questions or comments?
DocRob, Doctor (MD)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 84
Experience: Doctor & Father
DocRob and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    19
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
 
 
 

Related Parenting Questions

Chat Now With A Parenting Counselor
DocRob
DocRob
Charity Work
7 Satisfied Customers
Doctor & Father