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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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My son is 5. He has a problem touching other boys private

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My son is 5. He has a problem touching other boys private parts. His kindergarten teacher sends a daily report home and has noted this happening a couple times when my son is going the bathroom with other boys. Today the note said that a parent called her about one of these times. Also, I let my 5 year old take baths with his 2 year old brother and I have noticed this behavior on a couple occasions. My 5 year old quickly touches the private area and laughs. I have explained that he is not to do this or let anyone do that to him. I tell him that it is not appropriate and to never do it again. At first I thought this might be a phase but I am concerned because the behavior has happened at school.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
It can very well be a phase, but I completely understand your concern. He could be doing this because he is curious or thinks it is funny. In either case you are doing the right thing by telling him it is not right, but that may not be enough. I would strongly consider counseling for him or at least an evaluation. At the appointment they will be able to see if there is more going on. They may not even need to ask him direct questions as you may be worried about drawing more attention to it may negatively impact him. During the therapy session with children this age the therapist can find a lot out through toys and games with play.

In the meantime you may want to try taking things away from him or a time out in order for him to realize you are serious. This may help temporary, but since there can be more going on that meets the eye that is why I recommend the counseling.

Also, I would consider looking back if he has ever been in a situation where he has been touched. A lot of times children who were either molested or exposed to some type of inappropriate sexual encounter may repeat the behavior as well. This may be something for you to look into just in case.

I hope this was helpful and if needed we can continue to work together until you are satisfied.

I truly hope this gets better. All the best to you and your family.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thank you. I just got off the phone with his teacher. She clarified that this has not happened in the bathroom rather, while the children where standing in line and in Art class. I asked the manor in which my son was touching the other children and she stated it was like a quick hit or poke with his hand and then he would laugh thinking it was funny. I also talked with my son and asked him why he did this and he stated because he wanted the other child to play puzzels and games with him. My feeling is I think he is doing this to get attention. Can you suggest any thing that might help him understand that this is not appropriate and serious?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I do agree with you. It is good that you had that talk with him and his teacher. That brought more insight to help better understand your son and the situation.

Try explaining to him something along these lines. Everyone has private parts. These are private and the reason they are hidden. No one is allowed to touch them besides your parents for helping or cleaning. If you continue to touch or poke your friends private parts their parents will not like that because no one is allowed to do that. The same if someone touched your private parts I would not like that as well. If you continue to do this mommy can get in trouble with the school and you as well will be in trouble. The school is going to call me if this happens again. If you want your friends to play puzzles or games with you just ask them. If you touch their private they may not want to play with you, but if you ask them I bet they will.

Also, let him know that children will not want to be his friend if he continues to do this, so if he wants to keep his friends and make new ones he shouldn't do this. Explain to him that no one is allowed to ever touch or poke him and ask him how he would feel is someone did that. Tell him if that ever did happen he should tell the person stop right away and tell the nearest adult and you as soon as he sees you.

As I had mentioned before you can also try time outs and taking things and privileges away from him. This will help him to see that you are serious about this. He may not understand right away or realize how serious this is, but if you be consistent with explaining to him as well as the discipline it will get through to him especially if he is truly doing it to be funny.

He may not stop it over night, but you will see improvement. Consistency is truly the key. If you let it go one day and not another he will not take it seriously, but if you keep at it then it could go away all together.
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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