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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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Our daughter is 7..... Grade 2, happy, normal ,social etc.

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Our daughter is 7..... Grade 2, happy, 'normal' ,social etc. Was 'discovered' outside today having a 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine' session with the neighbour's 5 year old girl......... when questioned further this evening about the why's and the where fore's of the episode, she revealed to me that a 10 year old boy in the neighbourhood asked her participate in a similar session about 10 days ago and he apparently touched her aswell.......... I CALMLY discussed the issue with her and told her that this was not OK behavior etc, and to not repeat the behavior EVER again with either of the two nor anyone else, etc................. we talked on about growing up and 'people/friends' that will ASK her to do LOTS of things - smoking, drinking, drugs, lying, stealing - that are wrong and then ask her 'not to tell' ...... and so on, and how she needed to say NO and to be OK to say no and doing the right thing etc........ BUT WHAT NOW!!!!! My Husband is not home form work yet this evening and I have NO idea how to proceed???? HELP!!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I understand how horrified and upset that you must be right now. I think that you did the right thing in how you reacted to the situation. When your husband gets home speak to him and agree on how both of you will handle this. I would suggest first that you speak to the parents of this child, so they know in order to prevent this from happening again to others as well. If they go to the same school I would say to speak to the school about this, so they can take action and be aware. In addition, I would strongly suggest bringing your daughter to therapy since it could affect her in ways that may not be visible and therapy will be able to help with this. I am so sorry that this happened and I understand how devastated you must be. You can also contact an attorney to know your legal rights if any if you chose to go that route. It is best to check your options, so you can make a wise decision as to that aspect if there are any at all.
Just remember even though it seems very difficult know you all will be able to get through this. I truly wish you all the best.

Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Is the session with the little girl 'normal' per se or is it a result of the incident with the boy ??? Is it a dominance/ power thing that my daughter now wants to 'inflict' on the 5 year old as she was by the 10 year old????

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I definitely think that this was a result of the incident with the 10 year old boy. I do not think that it is necessarily a power issue, but more a curiosity issue. The 10 year old boy opened her curiosity level and introduced something new, so she may have been intrigued by this.
This is why I would strongly recommend your daughter to counseling. This may have no effect on her whatsoever in the future, but it could indeed. Power issue can be a future issue, but I highly doubt it right now. Counseling will help prevent future issues if any instead of fixing them later. Even if nothing will result due to this it will at least serve as a prevention. However, since she was imitating this behavior it has already caused an effect that is why I would recommend the counseling for her benefit.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I'm not sure you can answer this question but.....


 


I'm not sure about the fine line of counselling vs. not..... in that I know there is an element of 'normalacy' to the 10 year old boys curiousity and she and I discussed the 'right and the wrong' of that behviour BUT I'm not sure if counselling will elevate it to an 'abnormal' happeneing!!!??? and bring unecessary attention to it........


I will discuss it with his parents aswell as the parents of the 5 year old girl. and I WILL NOT permit my daughter to be alone with this boy again to the best of my ability........ how will I know if I should introduce a counsellor???????

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I certainly understand and respect your opinion in regards XXXXX XXXXX counselor. I agree that it is normal for the 10 year old to be curios. The main reason I suggested the counseling is due to the fact that the boy touched her since this could have a negative impact on her at such a young age. Counseling at that age may not necessarily talk about what happened, but usually they may talk about other things to understand how the child thinks as well as through games. Therefore will not bring more attention to it as you were concerned about. I would speak to the counselor first in order to discuss the plan and how you prefer her not to mention it in order to not bring attention to it unless your daughter naturally brings it up. If you do decide to wait on the counseling then you could look out of signs, such as different behavior that does not coincide with your daughters personality. I think you made a right decision by speaking with all the parents, talking with your daughter, and not leaving her alone with that boy to the best of your ability. I think you are on the right track and you can contemplate about the counseling.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Jen,
Thank you so VERY much for your time and your input !! My heart is no less heavy........ but my head is a little less befuddled!!!!!


 


The saddest and most 'ironic' part of this for me is that I was 'sexually violated/touched' when I was 8 but by a MUCH,MUCH older male....... I did tell and he was 'dealt with' legally......... but I was scarred and it has affected my WHOLE life....... not to the point of incapacitation per se..... I've been married for 22 years, have a GREAT Family, practiced Nursing almost 25 years , have some GREAT friends ........ but it has never and will never leave me. I don't THINK that this 'episode' will be as 'devastating' to my Daughter......... I just have to figure out how to negotiate the 'waters' so it WON'T be........... don't want to do TOO MUCH or likewise TOO LITTLE.................. :)


Again, thanks for your help!!


Charlene

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

I completely understand and I am sorry about what happened to you when you were young, but glad you were able to overcome and deal with that. I do agree with you that it should not affect your daughter as much since the boy was younger. I think you have a great plan and it has been my pleasure to be of help. If you ever come back here you could always request me in your question if you like. I wish you and your family well.

Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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