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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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My 15 yr old daughter will not listen to me! I am a single

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My 15 yr old daughter will not listen to me! I am a single parent, and she pretty much does whatever she wants....It make s me crazy, and I have taken away her computer, phone, etc.... but she still sneaks out and tells me nothing and we argue all the time. I cant take it anymore.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.

earthsister :

Good morning, I would like to assist you today.

earthsister :

How long has your daughter been behaving this way?

earthsister :

Just to provide some initial insight, in case the chat becomes disconnected; at the age of 15, your daughter is probably experiencing many emotions as well as mental and physical changes that is very normal for children this age. She is essentially a young adult, but at the same time still a child, and judgements, actions, and behavior will often reflect that. The teenage years are also the rebellious years, which appears to be exactly what you are experiencing. Now is a good time to sit down with your daughter, and talk about the rules of the house. And when I say talk, I mean taking time to both talk and listen. What is often difficult for us as parents is being able to adjust our parenting style to adapt to the changes that are children experience as they age. We often feel like, "I'm the parent, and they should listen to me because of that."; and that's it, case closed; well if it was that easy, we wouldn't have as many issues in this world involving teenagers. What does work in talking about rules to teenagers, is giving them a voice as well. Ask your daughter what she thinks is a fair curfew, and in regards XXXXX XXXXX rules. Ask her does she think that you should be ok with her leaving whenever she wants, and if she does think so, ask her why. I am not at all suggesting that you should agree with what she says, I am simply suggesting that you give her a voice, and allow her to express her opinions without chastising or yelling at her for them. I know that being calm when dealing with a defiant child can be difficult, but this is how they learn to interact with us, the way that we interact with them.

earthsister :

When you all do sit to discuss the rules, write them down, and post them somewhere in the home. Also, give your daughter a chance to express what she thinks is fair punishment for her breaking the rules: again, I am not suggesting to completely agree, yet by talking about it, and getting her insight, you may find that you all are able to work out a equally acceptable compromise. When your daughter does break one of the rules, you must be consistent in your punishments. Allowing her to stay out late when she isn't supposed to one time, and then punishing her the next time only shows her that you aren't serious about your punishments. Be clear about what the consequences are, and follow through with them each time. Along with punishment, just as important (and possibly even more so) is rewards for her good behavior. Let your daughter know that just as there are punishments for breaking the rules, you will reward her for following the rules, and again, give her the chance to provide input on what kind of rewards would encourage her to abide by the rules.

earthsister :

Also important is the time that you spend with her. When you do have these kinds of discussions with your daughter, be sure that you both are in a calm and relaxed mood, and that you are not disturbing her from something she may be doing (talking on the phone, on the computer, watching her favorite show); catch her at a time when she is basically doing nothing, so that she does not feel bored and agitated, as if she could be doing something better. Take your daughter out to lunch, the movies, or to a concert; use these times together to further (calmly) discuss your relationship with her, and how you want the best for her, and will always support her positive efforts.

earthsister :

Hello.

earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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