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Dr. Tiye
Dr. Tiye, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 46
Experience:  As a Clinical Psychologist since 2002, I have conducted family therapy and taught parenting classes.
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I have a very fun loving, active almost 7 year old boy. He

Resolved Question:

I have a very fun loving, active almost 7 year old boy. He loves to play with other kids, but he often plays too rough with kids that are younger then him. He has a younger brother that he intentionally hurts on purpose (will hit him if he invades his personal space, stepped on his hands while he was climbing up a ladder, things he knows are wrong). My problem is that when I try to correct his behavior and I call him out on what he just did, he replies by saying "you hate me" "I'm stupid" "I bet you wish I was never born" sometimes he will even hit himself. It is bizarre and it makes me feel horrible as a parent, because I could not be more proud of him and he is raised in a loving 2 parent home where we always praise his good behavior. I ask him all the time if he really feels this way in his heart or is he just saying this to try to get out of being in trouble for what he just did, and his negative tirade just continues. He gets it all out serves his timeout for what he just did and goes back to being my sweet little boy. I don't know what to do because this abrupt negative outbursts get me so worried, I actually feel afraid to leave him alone for a time out in fear he might do something to himself, he never has, but I just feel sick about it. I just don't want this to escalate into something bigger as he get older if he really feels this way, or do you think he is just playing me because he knows it makes me feel bad?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Tiye replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Tiye : Hello, I'd like to hear more about your son. Are you available to chat?
Customer:

yes


 

Dr. Tiye : It sounds like your children are the apples of your eye and I'm sure they know it because of the love and attention they both receive each day. One thing that is likely happening is that your oldest apple is no longer your only apple. The fact that he is aggressive with younger kids and does stuff intentionally to hurt his younger brother shows a Slight resentment to him being born and "stealing" some of your i attention. This is also evidenced by his remarks about you hating him and wishing he was never born. I think the you are right to reassure him the mommy has love for two.......but this can only be done outside of his tantrums.
Dr. Tiye : I do think he is playing you some.....no matter how you try to hide it, he knows that it is hurtful when he questions your love. He figures that he may be able to manipulate you by this. You have to ignore it while making sure he is safe.
Customer:

I do try to make it a point to just make Mommy and 1 child days, because I do understand why they would feel this way, maybe they should be more often?


 

Dr. Tiye : Typically if you can get those times in consistently and at least weekly they do help but he can not be allowed to connect them to his tantrums or misbehavior. They have to be viewed as something that mommy does because it's what mommies do....not because you act out.
Customer:

ok


 

Customer:

not sure if you can answer this, but do you feel at this point I should get him into some sort of counseling, to try to get him a more positive outlook? or is there something I should pay attention to so this doesn't escalate into something more serious?

Dr. Tiye : I believe that this is not an unusual response to having to share your parents so I'm not sure therapy is warranted just yet. You do have to monitor his behavior and watch that he doesn't become a serios threat to himself or others. If that becomes the case you will need to seek help immediately which will probably focus on the family and give you and your Husband more behavioral intervention tools to use and rule out something more serious going on inside of him. Hopefully, It will never get to that point and you'll be able to use your tools to help him grow through this stage.
Dr. Tiye : I strive to earn your highest satisfaction rating and if you ever need additional help with this I'll be here to answer your questions ASAP. I wish you the best in parenting. It's so hard but the challenge is so worth it!
Customer:

We always seem to resolve it before the end of the night and he always appears to go to bed as the happy child I know, so I appreciate your help


 

Dr. Tiye : You are very welcome. Those tantrums can get under our skin but I'm so glad that his happy moments far outweigh the others.
Dr. Tiye, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 46
Experience: As a Clinical Psychologist since 2002, I have conducted family therapy and taught parenting classes.
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Dr. Tiye
Dr. Tiye
Clinical Psychologist
5 Satisfied Customers
As a Clinical Psychologist since 2002, I have conducted family therapy and taught parenting classes.