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Dr. Ficus, MD
Dr. Ficus, MD, Pediatrician
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 712
Experience:  14 years in general pediatrics and mother of two great kids!
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My 15 yr ols son slapped me on the neck this morning getting

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My 15 yr ols son slapped me on the neck this morning getting out of the car and told me to f**k, what do I do. This the first time although he is generally rude.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Ficus, MD replied 2 years ago.

DrFicusMD :

I'll do my best to try to help you with this issue. If you're available for chat, lets get started.

DrFicusMD :

It's never easy to deal with a teen who acts out in anger or is aggressive. It sounds from what you've written that you've handled this well in the past. You don't say what led up to the encounter this morning but regardless of the cause his behavior was inappropriate and unacceptable. Since he's now at school I would spend today thinking about how best to address this when he comes home. I might suggest sitting him down and speaking to him calmly about the morning and what happened. Calmly tell him that it surprised you that he would strike you like that and that its not acceptable to do that. Ask him why he became so upset and discuss ways that you can have conflict with each other without acting out physically or using profanity. If he begins to get upset lower your voice and ask him to work with you while you discuss this. Then, once you've (hopefully) been able to explain why his actions this morning were unacceptable calmly explain that his actions have consequences and dole out the punishment for it (banned computer time, no phone for a day, grounded from an activity, etc). Let him know, also, that the next time he acts out in this way the punishment will be more severe. Hopefully you will be able to have this conversation fairly calmly since you would have both had a cooling-off period after this morning's incident. Keep your voice down as you talk to him, as if you were speaking to another adult and not your child. Keeping your voice from getting louder in volume or higher in pitch will help him to respond to you in kind.

DrFicusMD :

If this has been a problem that has been escalating it might be worthwhile to have family counseling to assist in diffusing the anger and aggression and to help work on getting the two of you to communicate more effectively with one another.

DrFicusMD :

I hope you have found this information to be helpful. Please reply to me if I have left anything unanswered. If you are satisfied with the information I have given you kindly leave positive feedback prior to leaving the site. If not, kindly reply so I can be sure you are satisfied with the information I have provided.


 

Customer:

His behaviour has been unacceptable for a long and has periods of being really bad, I am afraid of who he will grow up into, is it normal for teenagers to be so angry, he is an intelligent and sensitive boy. He is coming home now and I heard him say to a friend he will meet him at his house obviously unaware anything is wrong. Is banning from a computer enough or would not taking him to a bkie race he competes in be more effective

Customer:

he got up late ( I did call twice) missed school bus, was already blaming me. drove in car to catch bus up, it stopped and i overtook and beeped horn, he did not like this me beeping so he hit me and swore as he got out. I said just now how he hit me and he said it wasn't like but i have talked to him calmly how serious it is and sent him upstairs and said me and Dad will have to talk about any consequences but he's not going out now.

Dr. Ficus, MD, Pediatrician
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 712
Experience: 14 years in general pediatrics and mother of two great kids!
Dr. Ficus, MD and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Ficus, MD replied 2 years ago.
I think having the calm chat with him first and giving a lesser punishment is wise but explain to him that the behavior will not be tolerated and that the next time this happens he will be withdrawn from the sport. It's not uncommon for adolescents to be moody and angry at this age but if you are finding that his behavior seems excessive to you I would encourage you to seek consultation with a psychologist who can meet with him and see if there's something more than adolescent moodiness going on here. Also, the possibility of drug use should be considered if his moods are quite out of character for him.
Expert:  Dr. Ficus, MD replied 2 years ago.
That's excellent! I really like the way you handled that difficult situation and postponed any further discussion until you and dad could both be involved and present a coordinated response to you son's actions. It's important for him to see that this is very serious and that you and dad are on the same page. Great work! Have a talk with dad before you speak with your son together (rather than telling dad in the presence of your son). That way he can take some time to think and you can decide on the appropriate wording and response rather than dad hearing about it and perhaps rushing to a punishment. There's no rush here so take the time you need to address it appropriately. Best to you both!
Expert:  Dr. Ficus, MD replied 2 years ago.
Kindly remember to leave positive feedback prior to leaving the site or reply to me if you have further questions. Best to you!

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Dr. Ficus, MD
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14 years in general pediatrics and mother of two great kids!