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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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My 30 year old adult daughter left home at 28. She is now

Resolved Question:

My 30 year old adult daughter left home at 28. She is now living 800 miles away with her boyfriend. She is working and I think struggling to make ends meet. I know she is busy but I think could find sometime to answer an email I sent two weeks ago. I also have called her and had to leave a message. She's never returned the call. I sent a text and she never responded to that. I know she's alive because I've seen her on Facebook.
I don't think she's upset with me about anything; however, I think hearing nothing from her is not normal behavior. How can I approach this situation to find out why she is not communicating with me?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.

earthsister :

Good morning, I would like to assist you today.

earthsister :

Is there anyone else that you know, that is close to the both of you (perhaps a sibling or family friend) who she does stay in communication with?

earthsister :

I would not to think that there is any bad situation going on with your daughter, but as a parent who cares about their child, regardless of her age, I can respect your concern, and your wanting to hear something from your daughter. Maybe she is avoiding you for some reason, or could she really be that busy, not to respond in two weeks? Perhaps if you can find someone else who she generally communicates with to contact her on your behalf, and make her aware that you are concerned about, and have been trying to reach her; maybe this will get you closer to finding out something.

Customer:

She really doesn't communicate with anyone in the family. Some cousins came to visit me last week and we thought we'd call her so everyone could say, "hi":. She never answered her cell phone and never returned our call.


I just don't think that is normal behavior.


I want to know how to ask her what is going on that she doesn't respond at all.

earthsister :

have you tried reaching her through facebook?

earthsister :

and when you and her cousins tried calling, was it from your phone?

Customer:

Yes, I called from my iPhone. I don't think I should have to try to connect with her on FB.


I've tried all these other ways.

Customer:

I feel very hurt that she doesn't answer or at least tell me she'll get back to me later when she's not so busy.

earthsister :

The reason that I asked if you called from your phone is because maybe she is avoiding you when she sees your number on caller id; maybe get someone else to call from their phone (if you have not tried this already)

Customer:

The problem with having someone else call her is that is not resolving the issue I have.

Customer:

Should I just come out and ask her why she is avoiding all contact????

earthsister :

So in other words, you are not worried about her, you are hurt by no response from her? If this is the case, then yes, just ask via message, email,or even Facebook (if it truly concerns you)

earthsister :

I would first want to assure that she is ok, and I feel that using any of these means to do so (even Facebook) would be a good first start.

earthsister :

Definitely ask her in your messages why she is avoiding you. Let her know that you love her very much, and that you are worried and concerned that you have not heard from her; perhaps this will get her attention.

Customer:

I'm not worried in the sense that she has a job and has a roof over her head. I'm more concerned about why she doesn't respond to any means of communication I've had with her.


I will give it another attempt and tell her I'll fly down to see her if I don't hear within 24 hours!!!

Customer:

Maybe I'll just back off and let her reach me in her due time. I am not intrusive in her life at all. I call twice a month and email her about once a week.

earthsister :

Backing off might not be a bad idea, as long as you do not feel that she is in any danger. And I can understand that you may not feel that you should have to communicate with her through Facebook, however, again none of the other ways are working, maybe you trying to contact her through this method (if you don't usually do so) will show her that you really want to get in touch with her.

Customer:

We adopted her at 3 mos. and now that she has reached adulthood perhaps she is going through something internally that's make her feel so disconnected from us. Or, it just could be her personality.

earthsister :

These could be accurate observations. I can understand your not wanting to be intrusive as well. Give reaching out to her by the other means one more try,and see if she responds. If she doesn't, I honestly do not think that you would overreact in trying to get out there to see her.

Customer:

I don't know why I brought up the adoption issue because I don't think it is that at all.


I think it was very thoughtless that her cousins came to visit me and we tried to reach her and she never called back. They were visiting here for four days so she had time to reach us.

Customer:

 


thanks for your suggestions . I will make another attempt to reach her today.

earthsister :

No problem, if you do need any further insight or ideas on this issue, please don't hesitate to ask. I do strive to provide excellent service; if you do not feel that I have been of assistance, I do also ask that before you rate me, you inform me of how I can better help you.

Customer:

I really want to say to her that I feel hurt when I've attempted to reach you for the past couple of weeks and have heard nothing from you. What's going on?

earthsister :

Do that,definitely get the message through to her, so that she knows how you feel.

Customer:

Have a good day and thanks again.

earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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