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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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My child is getting wild, figuratively speaking. When we are

Resolved Question:

My child is getting wild, figuratively speaking. When we are in public, restaurant, etc...he throws everyhing on the floor, yells, and act in a manner that requires me to raise my voice and to keep saying "no". Is it damaging that I raise my voice? If I do not , how will he know that is wrong? Is he too young (18 months adjusted, 21 non-adjusted, was a preemie) for me to start setting some boundaries? If he wants something, and I will not give it to him, it is a scene always. What do I do? Thank you.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.

earthsister :

Good morning, I would like to help you today.

earthsister :

I am the mother of twin 17 (soon to be 18) month olds, so I can certainly relate to your frustration.

Customer:

Good morning! Thank you.

Customer:

When he does that,I feel as if I am a horrible parent and am doing something wrong. He looks miserable then.

earthsister :

I can understand, but definitely don't beat yourself up, as parents we make mistakes too, and it's ok

earthsister :

In raising your voice to your ,8 month old, you are teaching him that it is ok to do that. I suggest that in situations like the restaurant, be sure to keep any items away from him that you do not want thrown on the floor. My oldest twin loves to drop things on the floor as well. I keep the things that I don't want on the floor away from her, and plenty of things that I don't mind her throwing on the floor within her reach.

Customer:

He also likes to pull things from the hangers in the store...everything he sees he grabs. Does that sound familiar?:)

earthsister :

and pardon the "8", I meant "18"; my computer's moving a bit slow

earthsister :

Yes, all too familiar

earthsister :

Do continue to tell your son "no", only do so as calmly as possible. After you have told him "no," however, it is important to give him something to say yes to: XXXXX XXXXX toy or a toy or object that he may have interest in

Customer:

So, that is a normal behavior at that age. My son does not speak yet, so I guess he is futher frustrated as he cannot express his feelings otherwise. I should avoid yelling then... I catch myself yelling a lot lately...How do I teach him he is not supposed to do what he is doing...or should I not teach him that at this point as it is just a phase he will (hopefully) outgrow on his own? How do I show him that it is wrong (for instance) to pull our cats' tails until they scream?

Customer:

and can scratch him badly


 


 

earthsister :

Yes, these behaviors are very normal at this age, as they are learning all the things that they are capable of and how things work

earthsister :

As an example with the cat, try to catch him before he pulls the cat's tail, and tell him "no, don't pull his tail, pet him", and then take his hand and show him how. When he does it right, praise him and tell him how good he is doing petting the cat the right way.

Customer:

I get it. So, reinforce what is good and try to tell him what is wrong calmly. I grew up in a "yelling" family, so I always assumed that only if I raise my voice, he will know something is not supposed to be done. I am glad I asked as he is just staring to be "wild". I should make a serious face though, and look at him seriously though, so he knows I am not happy with his behavior?


 

earthsister :

It's good that you recognize this, so now you can change it with your own children. And yes, I am sure that it is very frustrating for toddlers their age to know what they want, but not know how to express it. Keep working with your son to teach him how to communicate with language, and pointing instead of yelling. Use age appropriate books, games, and videos to help you along the way (let me know if you need suggestions)

earthsister :

And remember, more importantly than telling him what is wrong, is showing him what is right through your own ways and actions. Keep reinforcing the positive by giving him alternatives for the behavior that is not wanted.

earthsister :

And I do agree with a serious face, just not angry. Then when you switch his attention to the behavior you prefer, give him a big smile and praise to help reinforce the positive behavior.

earthsister :

I do hope that what I have provided thus far does seem helpful. I d


have to step out of the chat briefly, however If you do need any further insight or ideas, please do not hesitate to ask. Just reply to this thread for "earthsister" if needed, and I will be more than happy to respond and my earliest convenience.

Customer:

Sure, any suggestions would be great...which videos would you recommend? so, is it OK to have a serious expression, angry expression on my face so he knows it is wrong (without yelling), or should I avoid that as well?

Customer:

I just read it sorry it was not showing

Customer:

said "loading data"

Customer:

It helped a lot, thank you so much!

earthsister :

I would say a serious, slightly disappointed face is fine, but not angry. Let me find a good video link for you

Customer:

I am turning the page beginning today.

Customer:

a new page...I kiss and hug him all the time, but when he does not listen...that is when I would yell "Bill, don't do this, don't do that, come here, etc..."

earthsister :

No problem, I'm glad to help. And I congratulate you. Because you are taking an active approach at perfecting your role as a mother, and it's what you want to do for the best of your child. You're doing great, I can tell.

Customer:

Thank you so much! I feel like I am doing it all wrong at times, and feel guilty when I get angry and yell...but I have to change that right away, as I know the consequences...when I am mad today as an adult, I yell and think that is how I will solve something...and it just makes it worse. Everybody yelled in my family...my mom, who is a wonderful woman actually, my late father...I don't want my son to grow up thinking yelling with solve the problems. Thank you so much for helping me.You have no ideas how much you have helped me!!! I am sure I will see you again!

earthsister :

Here is one such DVD, "Baby Babble" which has great customer reviews. I have not tried this one my self yet but I have heard good things, and plan on getting it soon: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Babble-Speech-Enhancing-Babies-Toddlers/dp/B00027OI1I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1345714927&sr=8-1&keywords=teach+my+toddler+to+talk+videos

Customer:

Great, thank you!!

earthsister :

You are very welcome, thank you for the positive rating , I am glad to have been of help. If there is anything else that I can help with, just let me know. I wish you the best. "earthsister"

earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
earthsister and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Just wanted to make sure the rating of excellent is showing. It said not rated yet, and I rated you.

 

I just saw it posted. Thanks again.

Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.
Hello, Yes, I have received your rating, and I thank you most kindly. When you've had a chance to try things out, and see how they work, please let me know. It's been a pleasure to help you.
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
earthsister and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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