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professional_Alison
professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience:  Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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My 31 year old daughter is cruel to me. We are not quite estranged

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My 31 year old daughter is cruel to me. We are not quite estranged but it's headed in that direction if she has her way.She blocked me on facebook, never sends me pictures of my grandchildrIen, seems determined to rob me of any joy in family life She just sent me an e-mail stating I am not her mother and never will be. I have Bipolar 1 with psychosis on an intermittent basis. These episodes wer frequent when she was a little girl and the frequent hospitalizations scarred her deeply.
I love my daughter with all my heart despite her cruelty.I just want normal relations when I am well, which is most of the time.

professional_Alison : Hello there, may I help you? I can see you are hurting here and I think your daughter is behaving negatively towards you as a result of her childhood. I think she is probably angry and resentful about how she was treated as a child and by what she may have witnessed when you were I'll. Her barriers are up as a form of self protection. I recommend writing her a letter acknowledging that you understand why she feels as she does and do not blame her. Explain how much you love her and your grandchildren and want tI be a part of their lives. Allow her to make the decision if and when you meet, let her know when she is ready you could meet on neutral territory for a coffee. Take it a step at a time. It may be that you and your daughter need to go to councelling to work through what happened when she was a child. Be patient, stay calm and allow her to make the decisions.
professional_Alison : If she chooses not to have any contact all you can do is send cards at Christmas and birthday and hope that her anger subsides and she decides to make contact. I wish you all the best, XXXXX XXXXX me know if I can assist you further.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

You are one smart lady. She acknowledges being angry and resentful. She also claims I don't respect her boundaries (barriers).She is not open to counselling, but if I could only give her a lot of space, she will come around to some degree at least. Thank you.

Really glad to help, give her the space she needs, time is a great healer, I am sure she will come round to want to see and spend time with you but needs to work through these feelings that go back to her childhood. Good luck.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

It's been a month and a half, Alison. I can barely keep my fingers off the phone.Should I keep waiting or is it hopeless? She hasn't taken any permanent measures. I'm so frightened and lonely.

Then you have to allow your daughter to make the decision even if its not the one you want her to make. You can only try so many times. It's time for you however hard to except her decision and move on with your life. When she realises you are no longer going to chase her, you may find she makes contact again. Until then I am afraid you need to leave her be and try to be happy.
Do let me know how I can assist you further
May I recommend that you send letters and cards to let your daughter know you ate thinking of her and the grandchildren. Let her know that your door is always open if she ever wants to visit and you will always be at the end if the phone if she wants to talk about anything or just to ring for a chat. I really wish you all the best.