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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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i want to bond with my baby girl but i cant , i did just after

Customer Question

i want to bond with my baby girl but i cant , i did just after my parnter had are daughter but as soon as we got home i became distance now we have split up my daughter is 16 weeks and i only see her one afternoon a week in public and i find it hard to talk baby to her when other people are around and i dont know how to get the bond back
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.

earthsister :

Good morning, I would like to assist you today.

earthsister :

Do you have any idea why you became distant after your partner had your daughter?

Customer:

not really we were living with her mum


 

earthsister :

It sounds as though you may have been experiencing a case of the "first-time father jitters," which is very normal; the questions of will you be a good father, can you afford a baby, will you have freedom anymore, etc.); these are all common experiences for a first-time father, however the unfortunate thing, it seems is that you and your partner have separated as a result; am I correct in this?

Customer:

yes ,


 

earthsister :

And what kind of relationship do you have with your ex now? Do you all communicate in any way?

Customer:

text and when i see daugher she is there as well ,she i think she thinks i dont love daughter and never have loved her . and i say the same stuff but there are no actions to back it up

earthsister :

It seems as though you may be experiencing a bit of issue with the chat; so I will provide as much insight as I can with what I do know. I suggest that you start by expressing these concerns to your ex. Let her know that regardless to if the two of you are together, you want to have a bond with your daughter, and that the limited time and environment of your meeting with your daughter do not much help. Tell her that you recognize the difficulties that the two of you are going through in being able to communicate to one another, and that you want to genuinely find a way to communicate peaceably together for the benefit of your child.

earthsister :

If you do recognize that some of the things that anger your partner that you do are not right, tell her that you recognize this as well, and that these are not your intentions; that you truly want to do your best to do the right thing, and be a good father to your daughter.

earthsister :

Parenting classes may be a good place to start, at least for yourself. I would also suggest that if you can convince your ex to get involved in some family counseling sessions with a professional therapist, this would be a good thing. Good Therapy.org is a website that allows you to search for a therapist according to your zip code; you can also do an advanced search to find a counselor specifically tailored to your needs: http://www.goodtherapy.org/

Customer:

is that in the uk


 

earthsister :

You are doing the right thing in seeking help toward developing that bond with your daughter; and I commend you for that.

earthsister :

Yes, You can use the advanced search option on the site in order to select your specific country and area.

Customer:

ok how do i talk baby though without feeling embarassed

earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
earthsister and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.
Hello again. I did want to be sure that your final question was answered. If your reference of "baby talk" is in terms of the way that you speak to your daughter, such as using baby sounds, I do not think that it is necessary to talk to babies that way. We often feel inclined to do so because they re so cute and cuddly, but honestly talking to them that way does not do much for their language and learning development. I would recommend that you talk to your daughter in the regular way that you speak to anyone (of course with a bit more tenderness). If it helps, add a "sweetheart" and "baby" when you speak to her, so that you do remember that you are talking to your child and not another adult. This helps you to feel comfortable, and lets you know that you are making it easier for your daughter to learn and understand language by speaking to her with proper English instead of "baby talk." I hope this is what you were looking for, let me know. And thanks again.

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