How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
64783947
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi, I have a daughter who just turned 2 years old. She was

Resolved Question:

Hi,
I have a daughter who just turned 2 years old. She was a month premature and had some health problems when she was first born, but has since developed normally and is doing great. However, she started biting at her day care a couple months ago. It seems like every 2 weeks or so she will bite someone (I don't know if it's the same child that she bites or not). We've never seen her do this at home or in public, although she has been having more tantrums and is very difficult at times. Her pediatrician seemed to think the biting wasn't a big deal at her age and said it's common. However, day care has consulted with us twice about it and even had us come to a meeting about it with the head boss. They felt like they could control it, but needed to follow the handbook policy. We had this meeting 2 weeks ago, and tonite when I got her, there was a note saying she bit again. I haven't seen her bite, but she will occasionally swat me or her father at home if she doesn't get her way. How worried/concerned should I be about this? We do time outs at daycare and at home, but is there anything else we can do? We try to talk to her about anger and different ways to express it, but I'm afraid her 24-month-old mind isn't comprehending any advice we give. She otherwise seems to be talking and developing normally; the only thing we've all noted is that she can be extremely shy at times, but warms up around people she knows. What do you suggest?? We are very exhausted and frustrated with it! Thank you.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families. I am also a mom of Twins.

CoachJenK :

You are doing a great job and I am glad she is doing well. In fact this biting stage is also normal for her age and development.

CoachJenK :

As adults we look at this behavior as horrifying, but this is how children express themselves because they do not have the skills or the language to express the frustrations that they are feeling.

CoachJenK :

The daycare gets a bit upset about it and they all do because they have to tell the other parent that it has happened, but truly this is normal.

CoachJenK :

You are very right in that she cannot grasp what she has done or even express her feelings differently. Imagine not having full language or the emotional coping skills to deal with the heave duty emotions that two year olds feel, so they bit as they have no other way to release.

CoachJenK :

I am with your pediatrician in their thinking.

CoachJenK :

One thing you may do is to keep it simple. "biting hurts and can give a big owee."

CoachJenK :

you may also set up a reward system and have her help you create a no biting chart...paint it color it and each day she doesnt bite in school she gets a sticker and give her that gentle reminder each day before she enters.

CoachJenK :

How does this sound?

Customer:

I think it is such an impulse for her that it happens without her realizing it, because as soon as she bites she puts her head down like she's ashamed. I think she knows it's wrong, but she won't quit doing it. If they gave her a time out in daycare already, should I give another one when we get home?


 

CoachJenK :

absolutely not....if there is a delay like that she has no idea why she is getting a time out.

CoachJenK :

and because this is impulse driven the time outs may not even be helpful...she knows it isnt right but cant control it....that is exactly the point. The gentle reminders of biting hurts will eventually help her as will just growing out of this.

Customer:

It's hard to know when to give time outs and when not to, sometimes I think she's a little tired or hungry and acts out pretty badly. But if she's tired, do we just ignore the tantrums?


 

CoachJenK :

right on.

CoachJenK :

dont engage, walk away from it as long as she is safe. The more attention you give it the more she learns that her behavior is being responded to.

CoachJenK :

if you only engage when she is calm then she learns that is when she gets responded to.

Customer:

We just feel terrible for the kids being bit and are scared the parents are going to start finding out who's doing the biting and get upset (we live in a smaller community where everyon knows each other). I know in my heart it's an impulse that she can't really help, but I'm scared we will get into more trouble with her daycare


 

CoachJenK :

if she tantrums and you engage and scream then she gets the negative attention which is attention and she loves it no matter what.

CoachJenK :

I understand. Most schools have a policy that they are not allowed to tell the other parents who did the biting for the exact reason you are fearful about.

CoachJenK :

It is a phase and one that many many children go through. Trust me your child is not the first the daycare has had to deal with on thie biting issue.

Customer:

Thank you for your help... I'm feeling a little better about it

CoachJenK :

when she swats at you...you say simply but firmly...no hitting, hitting hurts. we have a loving home.

CoachJenK :

it is my pleasure. come to me anytime for more support. I am here to help.

CoachJenK :

please take a moment to click on the rating tab to offer a rating of my work.

Customer:
CoachJenK :

please let me know if I can support you further, if not a positive rating from you allows me to get credit from my work.

CoachJenK :

you will receive a copy of this once you complete that.

CoachJenK :

Are you still with me?

CoachJenK :

Here is a great link to look at. http://www.ok.gov/health/documents/BITING%20IN%20THE%20TODDLER%20YEARS%20rev.pdf

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered