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Ask earthsister Your Own Question

earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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our 14 year old sons behaviour is uncontrollable he gets into

Resolved Question:

our 14 year old sons behaviour is uncontrollable he gets into a lot of trouble he is looking at being expelled from school and we think he is in with bad crowd He steas money is smoking cigarettes and we think cannibis i am trying to disipline but he keeps lying and will not face the truth about all the things he is doing wrong. He gets quite abusive when confronted with the truth and if i get angry at him he makes threatens me We have spoken to the local GP and made appointment with a social worker also He comes from a loving close family...Not sure what to do with him
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.

earthsister :

Good morning, I would like to help you with your issue today.

earthsister :

I can understand the urgency of the situation with your son, and the frustration that you must feel.

earthsister :

How long has he been behaving this way?

Customer:

Good Morning


we are having behavior issues with our 14 year son he is out of control he associates with bad company how do we get him away from the bad crowd

Customer:
Customer:

its been 6 months


 

earthsister :

I would first like to commend you for seeki8ng help with this issue, and assure you that you are on the right track in seeking intervention to help your son through this stage in his life. When you say local GP, do you mean General Practitioner (physician)?

Customer:

yes


 

Customer:

we have also booked him into see a youth worker if we can get him to come along


 

earthsister :

That would be my first recommendation; for your son to see his pediatrician or physician as soon as possible. With his appointment, the behavioral issues need to be brought to the physicians attention. Many parents believe that their children's certain negative behaviors are just phases that they will grow out of, but the reality is that there is a deeper health or psychological issue present.

earthsister :

You are taking the right step in getting your son examined by a physician, and assuring that there are no health issues that need to be addressed in regards XXXXX XXXXX behavior, Your physician should also be able to recommend a good child therapist who can help your family work through some of these issues with your son.

Customer:

agreed we cannot get him to the GP so my wife and i went without him we think it is related to who he spends time with so he tries to fit in Hopefully the appointment with the Youth Worker can talk to him and the same organistion has other proffessions available as its been quite tough on all of the family

earthsister :

I am concerned as well of your mention of him making threats toward you. In what way does he do this?

Customer:

he tends to do this when i get angry with him i banned him today from seeing any of his low life friends and going to the mall without his brother and in a more controlled visits he yelled and then i yelled so he threatened to shoot me he has never said that he normally just calls me names etc so not sure what to think about that

Customer:

he has never been violent before


 

earthsister :

I would definitely take his words and actions seriously, and follow through with your physician and a therapist. As difficult as it may be, it is important to approach your son about his behavior in a calm and diplomatic way; you do see that the anger only makes him angry and out of control. Set the example about how you want him to respond to you by remaining calm when you interact with him. When ever he makes those kind of threats toward you again, speak with him calmly, and seriously about it. Explain to him that you love him, and that killing you would only hurt him and the family. Ask him why he would say something so hurtful to you. (in a calm way, of course). In regards XXXXX XXXXX him away from the bad crowd, I would say that you are doing the right thing by banning him from them, especially considering how his behavior has changed. What does need to be done, however, is replacing that old group with a new group or activity that he will find just as much satisfaction with, only in a positive way. What are some of his more positive interests, hobbies, or talents?

Customer:

yes i agree i try and i am calm most of the time it was tough day today we had the police to our home about how he was at the local McDonalds after he was banned (they just happened to be there) We didnt know about his ban I then went to the Restaurant and spoke to the manager and could not believe what she had told me about his behaviour How can i enforce the ban on his friends and also the ban on going to the local shopping area where they all congregate.His hobbies are limited he does not want to play sport he is interested in Photographry and Skateboarding We have been trying to think of ways to engage him in something but not much luck

earthsister :

Well along with the other things, start with photography and skateboarding. Look into some youth groups or programs that involve either of the two. Let your son know that you want the best for his future, and the path that he is headed down with that group of friends will only lead to jail or death. Explain to him that you love him too much for that, and this is why you are making the decision to keep him away from that group. Let him know that you are willing to enroll him in a photography or skateboarding program to encourage him, but that there are rules that you and his mother expect him to follow, and he must start doing so now in order to get your support.

earthsister :

And set rules for him, along with punishments and rewards, and be fair about them. I would even recommend getting his input on what he thinks is fair punishment for certain offenses. Let him know that you setting rules and him following them is necessary for his development into a responsible young man.

Customer:

yes this is good advice thank you we will start there

Customer:
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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