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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1165
Experience:  Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
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My son lives seven hours away and I rarely see him More than

Resolved Question:

My son lives seven hours away and I rarely see him More than a few times a year and then only for very short visits. We have rented a house for a two week vacation. He accepted my invitation to come several months ago. He will be there four nights and just informed me that he plans to go out to dinner the first night with a friend and then play golf the next day with the same friend. Should I be hurt that he will be spending a fourth of his time with a friend or should I just blow it off? Right now my feelings are very hurt!
Thank you for any and all help.
Regards,
M
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Customer: Greetings
Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question. I can understand how hurt you feel as you have such limited time with him. Please don't take this as he is trying to hurt you or make excuses not to be with you. This may just be his way of easing into spending time with you...or a genuine desire to be with a good friend.

Customer: Can you read my question or should I rePost?
Dr. L :

If you show him any sense that you are upset...it is likely to create a rift between you...and that's not what you want.

Dr. L :

No... I read your question. Everything is just fine on my end with your posting.

Dr. L :

Would you tell me how old he is?

Customer: True but I can not help thinking he is being extremely selfish
Customer: He is 36
Dr. L :

Maybe he is being selfish...but would it do any good to point that out?

Customer: None what so ever
Dr. L :

That's my point...it could cause more harm then good to bring this up.

Dr. L :

Instead, I would focus on enjoying the time you will have together. Staying in the moment...delighting it what is present versus feeling about what is missing...

Dr. L :

Does this make sense to you?

Customer: Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX I will just have to buck up. I guess I just wanted validation that my feelings were not unreasonable.
Dr. L :

Yes..it's painful and even disrespectful that he would take off nearly the moment he gets there...but...let it lie.

Dr. L :

Absolutely...your feelings are reasonable.

Customer: Okay, thanks for the help.
Dr. L :

Most everyone would feel the same...it's terribly disappointing and as a mature adult he ought to be able to make better choices.

Dr. L :

So..hard as it is...let this disappointment go...

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1165
Experience: Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
Dr. L and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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