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Ask earthsister Your Own Question

earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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We have twin daughters who are 3-1/2 years old. The following

Customer Question

We have twin daughters who are 3-1/2 years old. The following problem began about 5 months ago. Until that point, my daughter had no problems being fed, bathed and cared for by my husband. Now she, "... doesn't want to go see Daddy." Any time I am around, she favours my attention. She cries, screams and has tantrums if I, (her mother), does not tend to her. In my absense, my husband has no problems getting both girls up, fed and off to pre-school.

How can we stop this behavior? I need my husband to assist with child care most mornings and we can not afford the time or energy required for me to be the only parent helping the girls prepare for school.

What can we do?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.

Customer:

Good afternoon, as the Mom of twin 1 and a half year old girls, and two preteens, who are so close in age its like they are twins I definitely understand your plight. So basically, when it is just Daddy, she doesn't cry, but if Daddy is getting her ready and you're around, she cries?

Customer :
Customer :

Yes.

Customer:

Is there an opportunity for your husband to get the girls ready by himself, with you not around (at least halfway), until you are completely ready for work, and then you take over with them both while he does his preparation? I'm sure it would be best if he starts so that your twin that clings to you doesn't start crying after you get them ready first then leaves.

Customer :

Don't know if we can do it that way. Basically he get ready first while I make lunches, then he or he and I wake the girls and he makes breakfast. Our daughter sometimes doesn't even want him to put the breakfast in front of her. I'm the one who has to give her the milk, cereal or toast and eggs or whatever we're having.

Customer:

Is this because she generally sees you first in the morning? What I'm suggesting is that you do whatever you have to do on your end to get ready in the morning before you even see the girls. Let him do the waking up, by himself. Use this time, or the time prior, to get everything done that you need to (without the twins) and then when you are finished, your husband can get ready, and the twins will have your undivided attention until it is time to leave.

Customer:

Alternatively, have your husband prepare some of your things for you, so that you can deal with the children, yet your things are still being put together. You also don't want to deny your other twin your attention, but for the sake of being on time, you could get your clingy twin together while your husband prepares the other child. It is far easier for 1 person to deal with one child alone than two at a time. If you all aren't able to split up your time as I previously suggested, it may work best that you take one while your husband takes the other.

Customer:

It also may help to practice your husband handling the babies while you are present during the weekends, evenings, and any other time when you all don't have anywhere particular to be. Practicing during these times will give you the time to figure out how to work things out and get your clingy twin accustomed to being taken care of by Daddy when Mommy is around.

Customer:

and pardon me for calling your daughters babies, I am sure that you are glad to be through that stage, I am the one still there.

Customer:

I see that you have left from the chat. If you need more ideas about how to deal with getting your family ready in the morning, please let me know so that I can help you to explore some more possibilities. Allowing my husband to take care of our babies while I get prepared in the mornings, and then switching is what seems to work best for us (I as well have a clingy twin). If you do feel that the answer that I have provided thus far is worthy of a high rating, I greatly would appreciate it. Again, if you need any further assistance or ideas on this, please message for "earthsister." Thanks!

Customer:

I do want to add one more piece of advice, while your daughter's behavior sounds like something that is completely normal for her age, double-check it with her pediatrician at her next appointment. Mention your daughter's behavior to him or her, and see what kind of input they give you, this way you can assure that you are doing all that you can as a parent to make sure there isn't a deeper problem. Continue to work through your planned strategy of your husband handling the girls while in your presence on your at-home days (no work, school, or other events); allow your daughter to cry at these times, and don't give in to her demands for you. Through repetition, she should soon learn that she has to let Daddy care for her, even when you are around, because the crying will not get her what she wants. Also encourage your daughter to communicate with you by talking, and pointing if necessary rather than crying and throwing tantrums. On those days when you have time for this training, don't respond to the crying and tantrums (as long as they are not extreme, and she harms no one including herself as a result), again, allow her to cry it out and ignore the negative behavior, but whenever she is acting good for Daddy in your presence, praise and reward her (cookie, sticker, a little toy; whatever treat she may enjoy); this positive rewarding should encourage her, and help her to learn that it pays to be good for Daddy. I hope some of this is helpful. Let me know .

Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I am wondering whether my answer provided any aid to your situation with the twins? Please let me know how I may assist you further. I am happy to help. Thank you.

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