Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. I feel your pain and frustration as having an ADHD child myself of exactly the same age. You certainly do have your hands full with your other children as well.
You are definitely on the right path in implementing consequences for his negative behavior. However, he seems to be continuing the negative behavior despite the consequences. Therefore, you must try different alternatives.
One such route you may take is behavior modification or behavior therapy. You need to start rewarding him and praising him when he is doing well...even for the smallest things. Create a consistent set of rewards. Children with ADHD/ADD love the attention when they have succeeded in something. You want to put less emphasis on the negative behavior and really zero in on the positive. Celebrate the strengths and positive characteristics of your son.
With regards XX XXX staying at school, the school must work with your son. Communicate frequently with the school. He needs a behavior contract of some sort as well. Hopefully, you are in contact with the school psychologist or another counselor. He should be required to report to the psychologist or counselor a few times a a day to make sure he stays at school and to let the psychologist or counselor know how he is doing.
Another issue is why your son feels that school and everyone there annoys him. You must delve deeper into those feelings. ADD/ADHD children like your son may have low self esteem, feelings of depression, and feelings of isolation because they feel different. School may be a true challenge for your son and therefore he leaves. To help him with his problems, on going counseling may be needed at school or from an outside professional. He needs to be able to express his feelings to a neutral third party who will not be judgmental.
The other issues are smoking and stealing. Have an open discussion with your son about why he feels the need to steal. Is he selling the things he steals? Is he being pressured by friends to steal? Is peer pressure causing him to smoke? You must discuss the difference between being a leader and a follower and the fact that his deviant behavior may lead him into further trouble. Counseling can help keep him on track .
Nonetheless, there are some websites that can provide you with further comprehensive information:
Hopefully I have provided you with some insight and a sense of direction. My goal is to provide you with excellent service. If I have not provided excellent service, please let me know and we can continue our chat.
Have an awesome day!!!