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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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My 9 year old niece is visiting. She and my 7 year old son

Customer Question

My 9 year old niece is visiting. She and my 7 year old son were having a pillow fight. My husband said that it got quiet in the other room and then he heard my niece giving my son directions on how to kiss her. When husband asked what they were doing, my niece told him that they were wrestling. He called th on it and said that it looked more like they were kissing. She then said that she was trying to push him away. When I got home and was filled in on the incident that had occurred, we decided to talk to our son later alone. However, he greeted me and then proceeded to tell me that they were pillow fighting and wrestling and that she had told him to kiss her on the ( he couldn't say lips... Just pointed to his mouth). I told them both that they were too young to be kissing and that it wasn't good to kiss any relative; sister, brother, mother, father, cousin, etc... On the lips. That kind of kissing was for when they were much older and with someone that was not related to them that they loved. Do I need to discuss this more? If so, what do I say? Do I talk to my brother? I don't want to traumatized my son but I certainly don't want him thinking this is okay!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.

earthsister :

Good evening/early morning. I would like to help you today.

earthsister :

I think that you did a wonderful job addressing the situation. The wording that you used to explain to the children how it is inappropriate to kiss, (both for their age and the fact that they are relatives) was perfect, I couldn't have said it better myself. In terms of discussing it further, no I do not think that it will be necessary, unless another similar situation occurs. I do think that you should speak to your nieces' father (your brother) about what took place, and how you handled it, so that he can keep an eye out for his daughter, and correct any related behavior she may be showing elsewhere. I also think that the next time the children come together, you let them know that no more pillow fighting or wrestling will be allowed. Give them some other options of things to do; board games, sports, bike riding, roller skating; something that involves less physical contact. I think that your son and your niece are old enough to understand why the change has occurred.

Customer: My niece is staying with us for the remainder of the week. Hopefully nothing like this will occur again... But, of it does, what should I do?
earthsister :

I think that the first step is to help the situation so that it can't occur. Don't allow the two to be away from supervision (doors closed or such). Also set the proper sleeping arrangements, I suggest them in separate rooms. If it does occur again, you should contact your brother, and let him know what occurred. I would recommend having him pick her up, and letting the two of them know that your niece will not be able to sleep over again for some time, until you feel that you can trust her not to try kissing your son.

earthsister :

Also, know that this is not uncommon. Children are experimental at this age; and cousins are generally not as close as brother and sister, kind of like friends in their own minds, so they would feel comfortable experimenting with a cousin.

earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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