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RealSupport
RealSupport, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My ex husband I believe is demonstrating Parental Alienation

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My ex husband I believe is demonstrating Parental Alienation Syndrome. We legally have shared custody however 7 months ago when I got engaged all of sudden my eldest son (13) gave me ultimatum to leave and move closer to him at Dad's house. I had moved hour north and commuted to work/school with them. I did not so he went to live with Dad full time and has since had negative & limited texting conversations only. His younger brother (11) felt the burden and missed his brother. He asked me to move closer so we planned wedding, sold our house and now am purchasing new house 20 minutes from them. Yesterday his father texts many messages asking for child support that both my son's will not be coming anymore to see me. Messaging boys they both repeat Dad's message and will not even visit out of my home. What can I do? My lawyer says they legally can choose where to live but I want visitations because I feel they are being manipulated by father to not see me because I got re-married. They both said and acted like they loved/accepted new husband until my ex started sending messaged contrary.
Help?
Pushed out Mom.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

this is truly frustrating and overwhelmingly painful for anybody in your shoes.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Using children to retaliate this far is unacceptable and very abusive. it does not matter how good he happen to be in his role. By doing this, he totally undermines every good thing he may have been doing since shows abuse and neglect at core levels against children and you as their parent.

Customer:

So what can I legally do to change this? The lawyer says it will cost a lot and in the end the children are old enough to choose residence and if they see me.

Customer:

Would a child advocacy lawyer be able to show this abuse and deem it not in their best interest/?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You did the right thing looking for legal support and it seems to be the best approach. You need every legal support possible in order to protect your children and your relationship with them. You did real big changes to support them as much as possible, and nobody could deny that. Allowing him to do this and literally distorting their minds and hearts the way he's been doing, is serious abuse and should not be allowed.

Customer:

Do I need to get a therapist to interview them to prove this?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have you gone to the family and children court? I am not very familiar yet with Canadian system, but what uses to be the process here is that court assigns an independent investigator and a counselor in order to get to the core of it.

Customer:

No only a family lawyer. I would need to represent myself as we have depleted funds securing new house closer to the children.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Courts would not forbid you from getting sound psychotherapeutic support for your children and self. they could consider reports from professionals you hire, but their decisions would be made based on what their own staff, namely, investigator and counsellor find by themselves.

Customer:

From a therapist viewpoint, what language do I use to present this type of abuse to a judge?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Court should assign these professionals without charging much.

Customer:

ok thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Children were fine and healthy, having good bonding and attachment, fulfilling relationship and life with you until father decided to use them as a way to retaliate for your engagement and marriage. He has been alienating them, using them to undermine your personal and family life.

Customer:

ok that sounds accurate.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please do not delay taking concrete actions since you and your children deserve and need to be and feel fine, and what he is doing now, shows he could do things against children and you in future situations, so better for you to work on it to protect them and yourself.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust. please take gentle care and consistent action getting the right support.

Customer:

Thank you

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No problem. Please feel free to contact me for any further support. Please rate support in order for chat session window to be closed. Bye for now.

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