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professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience:  Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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I have a 25 year old son who has graduated from college and

Customer Question

I have a 25 year old son who has graduated from college and has been looking for a job. He recently applied for a job and made it through 4 interviews. They were going to give him the job on condition that he passed a drug test. A letter came in the mail to today for him from the company the job was with and I read it through the envelop and saw he failed the drug test...I am so disappointed...I don't know what to do or what to say to him...I need advice...he lives at home.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

A scenario like this uses to be very shocking for most parents, specially if there were not aware of child's drug abuse issue before this situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

There is no alternative approach here but the need to be totally open and honest towards him about reality. To offer your support and affection but also to make it very clear the boundaries and limits he must respect, and the rules he needs to comply in order for him to receive any form of healthy support from you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He would need to get into a drug rehabilitation program and start individual counseling right away, taking full responsibility of his choices and actions, from his rehabilitation to job.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Expert:  professional_Alison replied 2 years ago.
Hello there, may I help you? I have a different opinion to your question. Your son is an adult and therefore you should not let him know that you saw what was inside the letter. It will be punishment enough that he didn't get the job and failed the drugs test. Allow him the opportunity to tell you that he didn't get the job and if he tells you the truth as to why then you can move in with offers of advice and support. It is worth considering that drugs can stay in the system for many years and this could have been a period of experimentation which he is no longer doing. Don't rush in or jump to conclusions, take a step back and hope he explains what has happened and consider carefully how you react to what you may hear. Consider the scenarios thatay occur and how you will deal with each of these on turn.

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