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RealSupport, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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my son is 16 and he appeared to be friendly with a girl since

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my son is 16 and he appeared to be friendly with a girl since he was 14 suddenly during his exams with out saying anything to us he stopped seeing her without explaining to her why...for a while she was friendly with us and some of our friends coming to our house and seeing a film with us a cycling trip. We were invited to meet family and they come to us for a meal...

He seems unhappy barracading himself in his room and playing excessively on the computer but clearly does not want to talk about anything as we have tried ....

His friend who lives some way away has come to stay as he did last summer where he met the girl...she was in touch with him during the exams trying to find out what went wrong...they have stopped being in touch now

Any help would be welcome...finding it hard to know when to keep out and let him work out and when to try to help

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For sure something must has happened for him to have changed this way towards this girl and now isolating this much.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

he has the right to keep his privacy for sure but it should not imply stop taking good care of himself and comply with core rules and responsibilities personal and family ones.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

When a teenager gets depressed, he could isolate, not be open to talk, socialize and more. His feelings must be respected and family show caring and empathy as you have been doing, but it should never mean passivity allowing so enabling withdrawal and lack of accountability and his need to develop a healthy life even more when he's feeling down.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Staying too much time in his room and spending too much time on the computer are both very dysfunctional and unacceptable behaviors. Allowing them would enable further dysfunction fueling depression and any other mental health problem a person may be facing due to personal-life issues. So please be very clear your role needs to be very assertive and truly supportive. If he does not want to take about his personal emotional concerns, that's OK but it should not justify isolating and not doing what he needs to do at home, school with family, etc depending on his circumstances.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Children do need unconditional love, understanding, support and gentleness too, which should not be confused with any form of codependent enabling of unhealthy behaviors, which would only worsen any problem the child may be experiencing.

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