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RealSupport
RealSupport, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My son is 17 and has always lived in two houses between me

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My son is 17 and has always lived in two houses between me and his Dad since he was 4. Dad lives alone. His Dad only lives a few streets away so he independently shuttles between us. My son has now become moody and resistant to coming to stay with me and constantly changes times and days. I think he wants to stay at Dad s full time but won't talk it through with me and his stepdad. I don't know whether to allow it or stick it out till he is 18 so we can help him through A levels and Uni applications ( we have both been but Dad has not) but can envisage difficult times ahead. Any advice pls? Julia

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This period in a teenager's life is challenging for them and for parents, even more if there are two families where he has been raised with very different parenting styles.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

most times the best, XXXXX XXXXX option is also the hardest one, since it requires harder work, effort, patience and understanding, dealing with issues and resistance. Your son would always prefer to stay at a home where his ego is freer to do as it pleases, but as you know, that would not help him to take good care of himself and life.if you truly want to set his well-being and development as number one priorities, then you would stick to set better boundaries and limits for him to religiously comply with. Once he gets 18 if he chooses to waste his time, life and opportunities doing what is unhealthy, then it will be %100 his responsibility and not yours.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This period is for you to model, teach and offer the best mature support you could get as an individual, mother and family. He chooses what he would do with it but as long as depending on you and staying there, he needs to respect and comply with your rules.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you. We are going to meet with his Dad so we get a more co ordinated approach. I am not even sure if his Dad would even want him living with him full time anyway so that may help. Yes you are right it will require hard work but we know we need to just dig in for the next 12 months and hope he will thank us for it in his later years!
Absolutely. I do totally agree with you. Please take consistent actions, set good boundaries and do not allow any form of disrespect or manipulation from him. This is the last year you have these responsibilities, so the chance to offer him wise modeling and support. After that, it will totally depend on him. Thank you for your trust.

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