Good evening/early morning, I would like to assist you today.
When you say that her brothers consider her a user, are you referring to drugs of any kind, or simply that she uses people to get what she wants?
Hello, are you still there?
yes she uses people to get what she wants.
I do understand. I honestly feel that you need to speak to her about these issues. Invite you daughter to lunch or dinner (on her, of course) and have a personal mother daughter conversation with your daughter about how you feel. Let her know that you feel she only calls when she wants something and that her relationship with yourself and other members of the family is fading; and explain to her the reasons why. When you speak to her about this, try your best not to do it out of anger (I know, easier said than done); Express it more in regards XXXXX XXXXX want to have a good relationship with her, and your concern with how the relationships between her and everyone else in the family are suffering.
It will also help if you do not enable your daughter anymore. I know this will be difficult in regards XXXXX XXXXX grand daughter, but sometimes, you'll just have to say no; no I don't have the money, no I can't take care of my grand daughter today. Explain to your daughter that you love her as well, however the using others to get what she wants is only pulling yourself and others away from her. Just as you had to do when your daughter was a child, lay out the rules that you have, ion regards XXXXX XXXXX you will assist her and help out with your grand daughter. You may have to request some form of payment, or something when you do watch your grand daughter for her. This is to show her that your time is valuable, and that as much as you love your grand daughter, she would not be able to go many places and receive the quality of care that she does with you for free.
You also must let your daughter know that you demand respect, and that anything less you will not accept, and cannot help her if this is how she will behave. If things seem far out of reach toward being able to have this kind of conversation with her, a third party, such as a therapist may be best able to help the two of you (or the family) work through your issues.
Goodtherapy.org has a large selection of therapists across the nation (and even internationally); you can search by zip code, and even do an advanced search to find the therapist that will best suit your family's needs: http://www.goodtherapy.org/
I'm a moderator posting in behalf of the Customer.
Do you think I should distance myself from my daughter?
I would not recommend distancing from your daughter. It sounds as though these are issues that you can work through together, it will take time, effort on both (all) sides, and patience. You mentioned that your daughter loves you, and you love her. This alone is enough to salvage the relationship that you two have. Talk with your daughter seriously and openly about the problem; see what kind of feedback she gives; if she is willing to work through your problems together.