How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask earthsister Your Own Question

earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
earthsister is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am having some "conflict" in my life. I am 35 yrs, i have

Resolved Question:

I am having some "conflict" in my life. I am 35 yrs, i have two kids a 5 yrs old girl and a 2 yrs 1/2 boy. "Perfect american family". Since i was a little girl i always wanted a big family. I had lost a total of 4 pregnancies and all my pregnancy are high risk ( doesnt botter me). I am actually a high risk OB RN.With my daugther i had eclapsia and gestational diabetes and with my son i had uncontrolled gestational diabetes and he was a preemie. Last year on march i lost a 20 weeker and right after that our lifes went down hill. Three days after i got home from the hospital my son got sick and spent 7 days in the hospital, on april he had to have ears tubes on may my little girl was diagnosed with osteosarcoma and she endured a whole yr of chemo and lost her femur, she had a limb salvage porcedure. Her case was extremelly rare, since osteosarcoma just happen in teenagers specially in males. Only 2% are kids younger than 5 yrs old and they just have 400cases/ year.
Cancer life is starting to become a "memory", however she will endure ct scan, x-rays bone scans every 3 months for the very first 2 yrs, when she hit 5 yrs survivor than it will be once a year for the last of her life. She is my everything, my miracle, my little friend and companion, she sleeps with us and we dont mind it at all, we wont take anything else for granted. Recently she has been asking for a sister, she tells us she pray so hard for God give her another baby brother or sister. She is a very special little girl, she never got jealous of her little brother, she always was so happy to help and recently she says she is sad because he is getting big and she cant hold him anymore!!! My son is also amazing!! Being only 1 year old by the time of her diagnosed he completelly became the " big brother". He knew he couldnt touch her chest port, he always walked next to her holding her walker and now giving her his hand, he used to kiss her bald head and cry everytime she was in the hospital for chemo. Even though cancer happened in my family, i consider myself blessed with actually healthy kids and happy and loving kids. My daugther was always the healthier one prior her diagnoses of cancer, she never had an ear infection, never took an antibiotic and i could count in one hand how many times she got a cold. Cancer will not define her, she wear her big left femur scar pround and now she will always have a story to tell. When she got diagnosed i quit my job to take care of my little girl and i am planning going back to work after her second scan after sepetember. Since cancer was a real monster that i couldnt "kick its butt", it was not the underneath the bed moster, the only thing i could do for her is be strong and give her strenght. She never had a mouth sore never had nausea....people even didnt believe she was getting chemo. This past week i took her to the dentist and she even didnt have no cavities and her teeth was pretty strong after her whole ordeal.
I want so bad have another baby specially that i am not getting any young but there is this really guilt feeling inside of me. Would it be wrong to have another baby after my daugther had cancer?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.

earthsister :

Hello. I would like to assist you with your concern today.

earthsister :

I definitely sounds as though you have a lot going on in your life right now. Even with these difficult challenges, it sounds as though you are very positive and upbeat, and can take all of this in stride; and I do greatly commend you.

earthsister :

I would also like to state that my opinion is from the stance of a parent, and not a medical professional, which is not who I think you were looking to confide in about this query anyway.

earthsister :

I do not think that one could judge whether right or wrong to have a baby now with your daughter having cancer and everything else that is going on. I truly do think that is a matter of the individual and those around him or her. If you feel that you yourself are strong enough to handle your daughter's health, taking care of your 2 (soon to be 3) year old, and a new baby, that is definitely your choice and decision. What must also be considered is the feelings of your spouse, your daughter, and little brother. I am sure that your daughter would be thrilled to have a new baby in the family; and this may be good for her, however I would be concerned about the time that would be taken away from her and the care that she needs (as well as your 2 1/2 year old) in taking on the responsibility of a new baby.

earthsister :

Another concern that I would have is in your own health, and that of the anticipated child. Having lost 4 pregnancies, and being high-risk, can be seen as somewhat of a dangerous position to put yourself and an unborn child in, especially considering all that is going on in your life, that is more mental stress that can add to the physical high risks already involved. Knowing that you are not much bothered with being high risk does show strength within your own character. I do think that it would be important to consider the stress that a woman's body goes through in loosing a pregnancy, and how this high risk can potentially affect the health of the unborn child. I gave birth two twins last March, and that was an automatic high risk, and my first high risk pregnancy of three, however I avoided being cut open early, and gave birth to two beautiful baby girls at home, only 3 days before their actual due date, and I was 32 then, so it is definitely possible to defeat the risks.

earthsister :

However, I honestly must say, that considering the previous losses, and especially your daughter's health, you may really want to think about what is best right now, which is raising the two wonderful children that you have been blessed to bring into the world.

Customer:

i just got your answers now i am still reading then

earthsister :

no problem, take your time.

Customer:

my thinking is : since my daugther had cancer so young she will only be out of the woods when she turns 10 yrs . Then i am scared of " tomorrow", "IF, IF"...but at the same time life goes on. When my daugther was diagnosed, i told my husband if we lost her i would be gone too, thats how big and strong connection i have with her.......she is my everything. I know we shoudlnt plan a pregnancy regarding on an opinion of a 5 yrs old..........at the same time nobody knows what the future holds. Like my sister said that she can receive a bad phone call since my nice just started driving............

Customer:

I would love to have another baby, physically i know i am not ready, i feel like i aged 30 yrs!! Mentally and emotionally we are getting there. Like i said, cancer change your life forever. My husband is willing to try for a new baby, when I asked my daugther today if she would want to share another sibling she was sooo excited, she already wanted go and buy baby things!

earthsister :

Yes, cancer does change lives forever; it took my father's life when I was 8, so I can definitely relate.

earthsister :

I, again commend your strength. Many women wouldn't even consider trying to conceive after losing a child; and understandably so; that must be a painful experience. Then again, I do understand the feeling of wanting to try try again, until you get it right, and that is respected as well.

Customer:

i guess the botXXXXX XXXXXne is that i think I would feel "guilt". Pregnancy after your battled cancer.

Customer:

pregnancy after your kid battled cancer

earthsister :

And that I can understand. As well, my concern, would be for your daughter, as well as all of you who are in existence at the moment. As long as everyone has their needs attended to as is necessary, and no one will miss out, or be put in a physically or emotionally dangerous position; it sounds like you have the support of your whole family to give motherhood another try. As a High Risk registered nurse, I am sure that you have a wealth of health information at your fingertips, and know all the right physicians to see for your high risk pregnancy.

earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
earthsister and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered