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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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I am a single grandmother but rarely see my g. children who

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I am a single grandmother but rarely see my g. children who live abroad. When they come back for holidays l see them for a few hours but they stay with my ex husband and his wife. I feel ignored because l brought my children up alone. Their father is wealthy with a large house and garden whilst l live in a retirement flat. I went on Facebook this morning to read that my son in law had to go to hospital (suspected appendicitis) he was staying at his mum's but she was on holiday so son in law called his in laws to drive 2 hours to look after my grand daughter. My daughter is in New York for a week. l was not called and yet again feel ignored. l feel that it would be better to have nothing to do with my children as am upset by their treatment of me. My ex is married to a woman, who has never had children yet she seems to be the grand parent of choice. I was a caring, hard working and good mother and this is destroying me.Do l get out of their lives or keep being hurt?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
Good morning, I would like to assist you today. What are the ages of your children? Is this an issue primarily with your daughter and son in law & (grandchildren) or are other children involved?
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
I think that it is of the utmost importance that you express to your daughter (and other children if necessary) exactly how you feel; left out and ignored. If this is an issue that has been happening since your daughter's (or other children's childhood) it may be difficult for them to understand how you feel neglected because it has been going on for so long, and to them it may seem to be the way that things are, and have been; therefore they may not see a problem. If this is the case, it may be necessary to bring this concern up with your daughter (children) and recommend that you all attend family therapy sessions together in order to help mend the broken relationship/s. Even with the distance, I am sure that there are long distance phone, or inter net chat options for therapy sessions with many therapists. Or even if a few visits can be scheduled when they are in town.

If this is a recent occurrence in terms of you feeling ignored, discuss this with your daughter (children) and explain to them why you feel the way that you do. Let your daughter know that you are aware that you do not have the same space or environment as her father, but you as well love them very much and would like to equally spend time with them as well. Talk with her (them) about finding ideas of how you all can spend time together more often when they do visit. If you do use the computer regularly, use Facebook, email, telephone, and other methods to stay in touch with them often. Suggest that you write letters to the children (your grandchildren) to help foster a stronger bond there. Likewise counseling may still be a good idea, as it seems you feel to the point of giving up (which is understandable considering what you have mentioned). I urge you to not give up on your children (grandchildren); be patient, but express your concerns so all understand your point of view.

Here is a book, that has good reviews, which discusses issues with adult children, how they often disappoint parents, and solutions for some of these problems (a preview of the book is provided as well): http://www.amazon.com/When-Our-Grown-Kids-Disappoint/dp/0743232801

Here, also, is a link to GoodTherapy.org, where you can do an advanced search for a family therapist by zip code, which may be able to provide long-distance counseling for you and your family through this time in your relationship:http://www.goodtherapy.org/

I do hope that my answer has been of some assistance. If you have any further questions or comments; or you feel that I have failed to provide a sufficient answer, please message forCustomer and I will be more than happy to reply. I wish you and your family the best!
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
earthsister and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
thank you for your advice; l am always sending gifts to my grand children and not just for birthdays and Xmas. l have 4 g. children ages 6,6,3 and 3 months.
they never visit me and spend xmases with d in law's family whilst i'm alone. My daughter met up with her father and step mum last xmas in Perth Australia. l am constantly hurt and have never said anything to either of my children.

At my daughter's graduation l was reluctantly invited to her graduation day where she ignored me, sneered at me whilst smiling at her dad. She excused herself to spend the afternoon with her dad leaving me to drive 3

hours home alone.. It has never been discussed but l know that she, her

dad and step mum went to the official tea.That was 11 years ago and l have never told her how l feel. They seldom call, write or Skype me and l feel like a stranger. If l end the relationship with my children l will continue to send gifts to the grand children but do not want contact with children who are indifferent to me and my welfare. i.e.. poor and in bad health and all alone.

Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
I can understand the pain that you must feel from feeling that you have lost touch with your daughter and connectedly, your grandchildren. Whether a child or adult, a parent always expects the love and support of their children, especially if the parent themselves have shown nothing but love and support to that child since day one. With this being the case, I would definitely assume that your daughter's father has had a hand in influencing her relationship with you, which is not fair. Understand this when judging your daughter. Yes, she is a grown adult that has her own mind and opinions, but even as adults, we are capable of being influenced by people, especially if that person is our parent who has influenced us all our lives (and he has the money to further influence). Don't give up on your daughter. You mentioned that you have never said anything to her about it. This is a good reason why it is still happening. Although your daughter may be somewhat remorseful of her treatment of you, she may not think that its worth mentioning since you haven't. And please don't give up on your grandchildren. I know you wouldn't want to be involved with children who are indifferent to you, however understand that how they respond (or not) to you is a reflection of their mother. They don't know any better right now. Definitely speak up about it, and see what kind of response you get from her in return.

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earthsister
earthsister
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Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.