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Ask earthsister Your Own Question

earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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My child has diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder.

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My child has diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder. Me and his dad are divorced. He does well in school, has friends and listens to authority figures. His issues mainly arrise with his immediate family and more so with his dad b/c his dad is more strict than I am. His dad wants him to try a group therapy session with other boys, b/c he does not do well with one one therapy. He shuts down and gets angry. What do you think. I think we should, as his parents, learn to deal with his oppostion and not continue the therapy. I do not see the value of it. What do you think?

earthsister :

Good afternoon, I would like to assist you today.

earthsister :

I am as well a parent and child care provider, and I do not intend for my answers to constitute as therapy in any way. I just wanted to be sure to mention that to you before I answer. Does your son take any form of medication? And exactly what ways does he show this diagnosed disorder?

earthsister :

Hi, are you still there, would you prefer that I just provide an answer, and we eliminate the chat?

Customer:
Customer:

No, he does not take any medication. He was diagnosed with this because he agrees to disagree and can be very hard to reason with at times.

Customer:

I apologize for the delay in responding. I would be interested in chatting.

earthsister :

No that's fine. I'm here.

Customer:

okay, great


 

earthsister :

so what kinds of ways is he difficult?

Customer:

sharing, sore loser,


 

Customer:

following house rules


 

earthsister :

when you tell him to do things, like clean his room or pick up after himself, how does he respond?

Customer:

with resistence at first, but, eventually will do what he is told if you keep on him and make him understand that it is his responsibility


 

Customer:

putting his dishes in the sink. throwing garbage away


 

Customer:

picking up clothes off the floor


 

earthsister :

ok. Kind of sounds like my 12 year old son. How old is your son?

Customer:

i try to give him chores he is responsible for - like feeding the cat


 

Customer:

my son is 9 . i also have a 13 year old son. it can be very hard on him / b/c dylan can get angry quickly


 

Customer:

dylan is 9 Chris is 13


 

earthsister :

Ok, I see

Customer:

you need a lot of patience with Dylan, b/c he over-reacts in a lot of situations. and he is the type of kid that if says it's red and it is blue - you are not going to change his mind


 

earthsister :

Very stubborn. I understand

Customer:

very strong willed


 

earthsister :

Well, I can understand your feelings of the therapy not working, because as you've mentioned you have tried it before. Therapy can take time however. Maybe a year, or even two is not enough. And maybe even a different therapist or level of therapy could be of help

earthsister :

I don't think that your husband is off in thinking of the group therapy with other boys, maybe this is what your son needs

Customer:

do you have any experience with group therapy for boys?

Customer:

he is my ex-husband. we are divorced


 

earthsister :

I do not have experience with group therapy for boys, however when I was 8 years old, my father died, and my mother tried counseling for me and my brother to cope with the loss

Customer:

that's tough

Customer:
earthsister :

The one on one sessions with a counselor was very boring and uncomfortable for us, but my mother found out about group therapy with other children who similarly had lost a parent/ or parents, and this kind of therapy we enjoyed, and I must admit helped me deal with my father's loss as a kid

Customer:

that's a good point, b/c I know he does feel uncomfortable being the center of attention. so perhaps, a group setting with like-minded kids might make it more beneficial

Customer:
earthsister :

So maybe, although a completely different scenario, your son will feel more comfortable around other children (whether just boys, or both boys and girls); interacting in activities, and having fun, which in actuality is really a form of therapy

earthsister :

right. Give your ex-husband's idea try

earthsister :

It just may be what you all need to help you. I know as a parent you want to learn to handle your child on your own, but sometimes we do need the extra guidance and help; and its primarily for the benefit of the child.

Customer:

that does make a lot of sense. I guess i am just worried he will be angry with more therapy and, your right, as a parent you want to learn to handle things on your own - but, the group setting might make the difference. i really appreciate your advice and opinion.

Customer:
earthsister :

No problem, I am always here to help. And so get his input about it as well. If he is really defiant about it, you might want to reconsider. But present it to him not so much as therapy or counseling, but like a group activity or club; not lying to him, but putting emphasis on the fun that is involved, as opposed to it being therapy

Customer:

I know he will be defiant about it , but, I like the "club" idea about it and emphasis on fun... lol

Customer:
Customer:

Thank you so very much and have a great weekend :)


 

Customer:
earthsister :

You are very welcome. Have a fantastic weekend as well. And don't hesitate to contact "earthsister" if you need any further assistance.

Customer:
earthsister and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you