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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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my eight year old daughter seems to have developed a possessive

Resolved Question:

my eight year old daughter seems to have developed a possessive tendency to her best friend, not wanting others to be near her etc. How should I handle this?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.

earthsister :

Good afternoon, I will work to assist you today.

earthsister :

How long has your daughter been showing this possessive tendency? Is it only in regards XXXXX XXXXX one friend that she acts this way?

Customer:

last few months and yes only the one friend. She tries to be near her and I think sometimes pushes other girls away so she can be with her. She announced a best friend's day so that they could exchange presents but on reflection i believe this was to show the other girls that the friend is HER best friend only.

earthsister :

I do understand. Children often grow attachments to specific people or things because they provide a level of security for them. Your daughter must really admire and care for her friend, and has a fear that if someone else gets close to her, they will take her best friend away. I think that you should first have a talk with your daughter about this. Help her to understand what being possessive is, and that a friend is no one's alone, that they can belong to many people. Your daughter must understand that as she ages, being possessive about people may truly work against her. Explain to your daughter that it is very possible that one day her friend will feel smothered by her, and want to get away. Because I am sure that is not what she wants, it would be best to redirect her on the appropriate ways to act around her friend/friends.

earthsister :

If your daughter does not already have other friends, I think it would be best to get her involved in some activities, sports, or clubs where she will be exposed to many other children with whom she can develop friendships. This is not an attempt to take her best friend away from her, but simply to show her that there are many people in the world who would make great friends, and that we all have the right and freedom to have as many friends as we want and can make.

Customer:

She has lots of activitieshorse riding , gymnastics, brownies etcand does

Customer:

sorry cut myself off- she has lots of friends but this one seems special. I will try and take youradvice. thanks

earthsister :

No problem. That is good, and this is a good start to opening her up to different people and experiences. Tell your daughter to put herself in the shoes of her friend. How would she feel if her friend made her feel as though she was allowed to have no other friends than just her. She probably would feel trapped, and not like that very much. It might be a good idea to allow your daughter to have a sleepover or get together with some of her friends, including he best friend, and give her a chance to interact with them all (with you gently moderating of course) so that she can learn how to befriend more than just one person at once.

earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
earthsister and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
can't see an accept button
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
You have already accepted my answer. I thank you most kindly, and appreciate your service. Have a great day, and let me know if you need any further help.

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