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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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My teenage daughter and I quarrel on a regular basis. She is

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My teenage daughter and I quarrel on a regular basis. She is 17 (18 in October) and is impossible to manage. She comes & goes as she pleases...eats here, sleeps here, then leaves again. Sometimes she comes home and wakes us up in the middle of the night and I feel she has no respect for us. She blames me for her not being home very often as she says I'm always angry with her when she's here. It's a vicious cycle because I am upset because I feel like she's taking advantage. She thinks I should still financially support her but I feel she should be getting more responsible for her life by paying for more of her own things, ie. make up etc., now that she's working. I'm stuck - whenever I see her my stress level goes from 0 to 10 in no time flat...I feel as though family counselling would just be a bit fight in front of the counsellor...Any other suggestions?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
I understand your frustration. However, you are the mom and you set the rules. As long as she is living in your home it is your rules and your way. Lay down the rules and let her know there are going to be changes. Do not let her get the best of you by getting angry. It should not be a battle. You are the mother, so you should speak to her in a calm way letting her know of the changes. It is not a suggestion you are giving her rather you are letting her know of the rules. She should have a curfew and be more responsible. If she wants to do things differently then she needs to support herself. I know this is much easier said than done, but you need to try and start somewhere before it gets worse. I wish you all the best!
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
Jen Helant and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I've set rules and she continually breaks them...School just ended and she's been out every night since last Tuesday (incl. tonight)...Last night I gave her a curfew of 11:00 during the week and 1:00 on weekends. If she can't make it home by that time then she has to stay where she is... I've told her that unless she is in danger, not to call me for a ride home in the middle of the night. I want her to move out but she's definitely not ready, so it scares me to push her out of the nest too soon...
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.

I understand what you are saying. The teenage years are difficult and we hope they will get through it and become who we raised them to be. Did you give any consequences when she did not obey besides her not coming home. That may be something she may enjoy doing. What about trying if she does not come home then she does not go back out again for a week or etc. Does she get allowance? Do you buy her things? You can also cut that out. Does she have a computer or cell? You can also remove those things. These are just some ideas. Maybe you can try making the punishment harsher. You can also try maybe some you and her time. Maybe go to eat or a manicure together or even a walk in the park. Just by communicating may help to change her attitude, but not necessarily communicating about the problem just to take a break and enjoy each others company.

Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
Jen Helant and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I've tried it all...I've tried unplugging the modem at night and she flips out on me! Grounding her has become a waste of time because she can take off from the house anytime and we can't do a thing about it - parents have no rights after age 16...it's pathetic! I should have the power as a mother and a provider but it's not working out that way. She 'wants to have her cake and eat it too'...As far as getting her and I together for mum & daughter time, that works in small doses, then somewhere during the time together we get into an arguement, so there's no point...There doesn't appear to be any other solution at this time then to 'ride it out' and hope that she finds somewhere else to live...Thanks for your time, Shelley
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
I am sorry. I wish I had a better answer for you, but yes that may be all that you can do right now. If you really want to go far you can tell her she needs to leave, but I know that would be scary and difficult plus not the safest thing to do in this day and age. Hopefully just time will change her, but whatever you do do not give up. You may not think it is working, but it can work in time and even when you think it is bad just think if you did not do the discipling that you are doing then it could have been even worse. Just continue doing your part and when you do have the mom and daughter time try not to bring up anything at that time. Just enjoy it and try not to speak on topics that you know you don't agree on that will help eliminate the fighting at those times then hopefully can draw you both closer and she can turn from her ways. I wish you all the best!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your kind words and wishes...All the best to you and your boys as well...Shelley
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Thank you very much!
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
Jen Helant and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your kind words and bonus. That was very much appreciated. Again, I wish you and your family all the best. Just stay positive and never give up!
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
HI,

Just wanted to follow up with you to see how everything is going. Has things gotten better or did they continue the same? Looking forward to hearing back from you.

All the best!

Jennifer

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